In my job, i meet tourists and people on working trips all the time. They would come from all parts of the world travelling to all other parts of the world.. London, States, Japan and what now. Each time, I wish to tell them, "please bring me along with u, will u?"

here i go again..

I need new friends

I had actually posted an entry yesterday..which didn't get through but lost. Yes..never ever learnt my lesson, do I? I know I should copy the entry before posting each time. :)

I met up a guyfriend for dinner and all tonight. Can I say that I was rather bored the entire time? There's only JJ and a friend I always miss dearly --Yan, that I feel like being with. Yan and I have endless stuff to say. We will go work out together, go suntanning together, go study together, go learn dancing together... **tears****

I need new friends.

************

Issit very boring to read about my work encounters? I find them so amusing. Just that I am rather inept at narrating them.

There's a black man. He came yesterday night and I spent so much time mixing ties and giving suggestions and also chatting with him then. More than half hour. He sounded like he's going to buy 2. I didn't even ask him to buy. Just showing him only. Suddenly, a few more customers came in, and this black man said,"My office is nearby. I will think about it." And walked off most abruptly. He left me wondering if I have offended him in some ways.

Tonight, my colleague suddenly said, "aye, your friend is here." To my surprise, this same black man came back! And now he decided to look at cufflinks. Hmm.. So we spent some time mix matching, discussing etc.. I just love it when he tells me, "Yea, I think u r right" :) (Little little satisfaction) He bought the cufflinks --the cheaper ones lah --$79. I didn't ask him to buy the ties. He said he have to consider about them. Said he would be in Singapore for 7 more days and would come by again. He sure is one who tries to be very careful when shopping. From Scandinavia.

He said that a Red is a very powerful colour. They wear red ties when they have very important negotiations to go to. Wearing a red tie shows that one is very serious and determine in succeeding in that negotiation. haha..Well, ignorant me did not know this until yesterday.

So many many men that come in want to bring their partners (wives and gfs) along for a final opinion. They just can't buy on their own. aaarghh.. Then again, JJ is this way too. He always asks me before he buys anything. And he would buy whatever I prefer.

I bought a tie for JJ. :) I shall take a pic of it and post it up later. Cannot tell me that it's ugly! No criticisms will be tolerated. :p

One moment, I would declare that I know perfectly what I want.

The next, I would be moaning about being totally lost.

So what the hell do I want to do? I seriously cannot take the super low pay now and very tempted to apply for a couple of jobs that offer attractive starting pay. Then again, if I go for a job just because it offers higher starting pay, I would fall into the trap of being too myopic.

One moment, I would tell myself -- business. Definitely business. That's the way to get rich fast. That's the way to attain freedom. That's what I enjoy doing, and have been wanting to do.

The next, I would be swayed by what everyone else says. Get experience first before you do ur own biz. U r not biz material. It's easier to work for others. It's more glamourous working for others.

What am I good at? I have come to a conclusion that I would make a very good teacher. AT least I am confident that I am good at teaching. I have even checked out the NIE website.

**

I started work at 10am this morning and reached home at 1am.. We had a meeting to reflect on the 'valentino launch' tonight. The meeting started at 10.30pm and went on pass midnight. Madness. Feel like strangling the boss. Can't he just provide more employment benefits and at least compensate us for working waywayway overtime?

I want to admit something... I am jealous of my unpredicatble+scary colleague. Though she has a character problem. She's very good at handlig interpersonal relationships unlike me. She's also very creative. Gosh, she's really smart and creative, I must admit. Respect her for her incredible problem solving skills and at the same time jealous..wishing that I were more capable.

I have been sleeping 5-6 hours everyday for many many days.

Working continuously for 12 days without break. I was asked to go to work today, to substitute someone, but I refuse to go as it is supposed to be my official OFF day. Heck. I am not that interested in leaving an excellent impression to those above. I am a genuine person. I am unlike some others who like to put up shows. I am tired, and I admitted to them that I am too tired to go on for another day.

Went Sentosa. Went to the Delifrance by Siloso beach. Loved to eat there, feeling a little of the sun and watch the monorial pass by close to me now and then. No more monorials now though. Bought a frisbee yesterday to play with JJ today. But I was so so tired that my frisbee went in 'Uncatchable' directions most of the time. The hot sun sapped out my energy too. Been wanting to go Butterfly Park for years. So, we went Butterfly Park. hahahaa... In order to make his money's worth, JJ stared hard at every specimen. At the end of it, he concluded that butterflies and insects are just not a guy's thing. Went Orchid Gardens after that. I shall not elaborate on the quarrel we had on a rare precious day to spend quality time together..Have made up already.

Oh..last weekend, we watched a little of the penguins. Yesterday, watched the cheetahs and leopards on national geographic with JJ. What should I say? At last, there is a channel we both enjoy. He is so into soccer, F1 and all the angmo shows, while I like those brianless Chinese ones.

**

Turnout for the launch of Valentino ties was laughable, despite rather nice ties. At least, they have gained an experience. I asked myself, Would I have done a better job if I were the marketing executive in the company? They have a couple of marketing executives, I think. But, they seem to usually be executing instructions from the above, rather than actively creating stuff. If I were in charge to plan and execute this event, would it be a lot more successful?

I realise that I am one who is often quick to point out the weakness, but not a feasible solution to try to improve the situation. Haven't i read a lot about new product launches and events? I am really quite inept at applying what I have learnt.

I am to write a report on the event. I would like to put in more effort and write an impressive one, but.. ah..no more energy. 45min to bedtime, see what I can churn out.

****

My Unpredictable colleague has been as unpredictable and scary as usual. Though, it's not unpredictable that she is unpredictable anymore. haha... She bought me coffee the day before yesterday. But so what? That doesn't mean she can speak to me very harshly in front of everyone whenever she is in a bad mood.

I feeel.... that it really takes quite a bit of courage and effort to start and nurture a friendship now at my age and situation. To most people, I am really sincere and genuine. But my sincerity and "genuinity" often aren't quite recipocrated.

And I don't understand that while I am the one really genuine and good to R and A at work, R and A seem to prefer my scary colleague. This scary collleague of mine often backstabs R and A behind their backs to me. But yea, R and A still seem to like her a lot, more than they like me. Because her sales performance is usually twice of mine. Because she is all sweet and nice in front of them. Because she does a lot other things that make her appear to be very diligent and contributing a lot, when she complains about them to me. I want to be no part of this. It's ok.. I was told by my good friends that I can look quite unapproachable at times, maybe that's why people don't like me as much.

Today, that unpredictable colleague bought me kaya toast (cos I like to eat at yakun. butter sugar toast + ice coffee). She also said, "sorry if I lost my temper yesterday".

Well, I'm glad that things are better again. Still, I always remember one story I receive from massmail once. Lemme summarise the story.. Though, I am likely to spoil it. Anywayz..

It goes like this.

Jerry is a very unkind boy. One day, his father decided to teach him a lesson. He made him hammar one nail into a wooden board everyday for a month. After a month, he instructed Jerry to remove one nail from the same board each day. Puzzled and reluctant, Jerry continued to do as he was told. At the end of the second month, Jerry and his father stood before the wooden board, which is now filled of holes.

Jerry's father said, "Everytime you hurt someone, it is like hammaring a nail into the wooden board, you wound her heart. Even when you apologise to her, by trying to remove all the nails that have been previously drilled, there would still be wounds left."

.the end.

nah, i am not trying to say that she hurt me so bad etc etc. Just that I suddenly recall this story, which I have not retold well.

JJ thinks that by apologising for some lies he once told me, I should forgive him totally. YEs, I have forgiven him. But they still hurt me every now and then, nevertheless..

**

Anyway, I stayed back to help out in the rearranging for a WEIRD event at the shop tomorrow. Everything would be removed and turned back to normal after Sunday though.

Tmr, there will be a launch of valentino ties in the shop. Many were invited. But it's really weird. the ties will only be in the shop for 3 days. Then launch for what? I guess, to spark interest in the shop, and do something they have never done before - an event. The shop would be divided into 2 halves and there would be competition of sales. Our original products+ new stocks, against the valentino stuff. What's there to compete about? The other 'team' are all so experienced working for years and years. Anyway, they just love challenging the employees.

Anyway, it was really fun doing up everything. But I didn't manage to do much, cos I have to leave earlier.

a kinder world for me, for us, to live in, please...

Another horrible episode at work today.

My sometimes-very-scary colleague came earlier to work today. She bought me extremely yummy chicken wings because she knew I would be hungry before my break, everyday.

We were still chatting happily and cooperated in some good deals till the unfortunate event.

I picked up a phonecall. It was from a notoriously unreasonable customer from India. He realised that he is not satisfied with the alterations done to his pants and demanded a solution. He doesn't want to come down to the store with the pants either. He wanted to look for our manager who wasn't around. So I think, I think, I accidentally blurted out that only @@@ and me are in the store then. So, he asked to speak to @@@ - my sometimes-very-scary-colleague. Note, he asked to speak to her. I didn't ask him to talk to her.

She took over the phone and realised that it was that unreasonable customer from India. She spoke to him in some unkind tone and they got into a heated argument with a lot of unkind words and sarcasm.

Remember the previous episode where she quarrelled with one customer and I had to mange the situation, try to calm the both of them down, try to appease BOTH of them. Don't appease her, she will quarrel with him again..

Now, she quarrelled with another customer, again. She hung up the phone on him in the end. HUNG UP phone leh..! After that, she still jokingly, smiling to me, cursing that man, and asking me for advice as to how she should deal with the problem now. Told her to call each of the managers first and tell them her story, her reasons, before they hear it from the customer himself. Unfortunately, the customer was so fast, that he beat her to it. He complained about her to Miss not-very-lenient.

After Miss not-very-lenient chided her. ACtually, i don't know what she said to her too.. She started venting her anger on me. She blamed me for telling the customer her name (cos I said @@ and me ## are in the shop.) He knows my name too. Well, he didn't complain about me. She blame for me passing the phone to her. Eh, he wanted to talk to her. Issit my fault? I didn't expect her to quarrel with him.

so, she kept blaming me till the time i knock off from work. And every action of her revealed her unhappiness with me.

Do you know how terrible I feel? Even though, i know perfectly well that I am not in the wrong at all. I still feel very bad. I feel like making up to her, but I know I do not have to at all. She's impatient and that's not my fault.

I felt so down. Emotionally tortured.

When i am unhappy.. I will eat and shop alone.

Went Crystal Jade Bakery bought a lot of yummy food.

Went to trim my eyebrows.

Bought 2 tops from mphosis. (Pass by and admire clothes on mannequin everyday, but didn't buy to control my spending. bought 2 at a go today.)

Boil a big pot of vegetables and eat while watching tv.

***

I have managed to distract myself from the unhappiness.

By the way. I keep buying the same kind of clothes... The kind that I used to wear to school in. Should change my dressing style. But it won't be that 'successful' doing it by myself? I will just pick up the same old stuff again..Fashion consultants alert...

zzZZZZzzzzzZZZZZzzz

Left a lengthy comment at someone's blog. That someone wasn't very kind in reply to what I wrote with kind intentions. Maybe my English sucks so that someone misinterpreted what I wrote. Bleah.. I shall not be a kaypo again. Haven't I learnt enough lessons?

^^^
Still cracking my head for a new source of income. Not thinking hard enough, distracted by current work.

^^
Some people would tell you that you don't need capital to start a business. But ya, best is use our own money, I understand.

^^
Only 5 hours of sleep left. Cos I stayed up to watch the repeat of NKF. hahahaa.. Catch up on your blogs soon! :)

Much about nothing

What shall I blog about?

Everyday at work, I realise the sense of urgency to look for new source of income.

Love baking boys' cookies. JJ's friend is one of the partners.

And..everyday, I just go to the foodcourt during break. I EAT ALL BY MYSELF. It would help if the food there were better. But having tried so many stalls, I can tell you there's hardly any decent food there. And everytime I stepped out of the foodcourt, my hair and clothes will stink of the "air" there. Anyway, I know of many people, especially girls who would not eat by themselves. I don't care anymore now..It's easier not to care.

As u can see.. I have lost the positive attitude I initially had for this job. Despite my grouses, I am still glad I took up this job. I have learnt a lot that is useful to me. Till now, I have not met the boss yet. Wish I can chat with him sometimes.. Doubt he's free though. Gonna see him at the launch of new brand this Thursday.

Till now, i am still disappointed about my birthday. Requested JJ to make it up to me by buying me a cake. Wanted the traditional kind of cake. Round with yellow butter cream on top, 2 fake coloured flowers, red letterings and chocolate rice on the side.You get what I mean? haha..

I shall just add that I wasn't quite happy that I have to walk to a neighbouring outlet to get a gigantic ladder to my outlet. Any idea how many people were looking at me? Cos I just look odd carrying a huge ladder by myself walking at suntec. And the ladder isn't light. Carry it to and fro for 4 times. I had to climb high up the ladder to take down and put back again heavy stuff. As I was climbing up the ladder, I thought to myself, damn, I haven't bought insurance yet. What am I risking my wellbeing for? They all thought nothing about my climbing up and down putting up heavy stuff. Wait till they have to do it.. But they won't. Because they said that they are wearing skirts, can't do such stuff. I am wearing pants, I am taller. Ishould do it. Damn. I shall start wearing skirts to work more often. Even the customers were worried for me. They thought nothing of what I did.

Btw.. JJ uses SKII and Bioessence's face lifting cream plus another Korean brand's night cream for his facial regimen. I think.....I still prefer guys to be more ruggard and not so obsessed with grooming themselves.

the harder u work, the luckier u get

Much has happened for the past few days.


-On Friday, a Chinaman came into the shop. Cut the story short. EVerything I shove to him, he agreed to buy. Then just before payment, he was very rude and demanded immediate alteration for his pants, else, he won't pay. That was a whole lot of money for my own credit, so I really want to keep the deal. But that sometimes-quite-scary colleague of mine got very angry with his unreasonable expectation of her that she was very very rude to him! The two of them were yelling at each other. She got angry with me because he was "my customer". It was terrible k, there were other pple around and the two of them wanted to fight. I had to keep telling her not to lose her temper and all. Next day, told our supervisor about it. She was surprised that I didn't cry when that happened. ...

-Because I am weak in sales, which is the main judge of my competence, several of those 'above' kept asking me to make display changes. For practical reasons, I ignored despite being told several times. Finally, one of them lost her patience and demanded to see at least, the blouse section changed the next time she steps into the shop. So... I spent hours arranging the expensive but not-so-great looking blouses. Very dusty. Had to retie all the bows on the blouses.

You know, I really don't approve of all the displays they do. They lack functionality. First, customers cannot tell how the shirts actually look like when they are all folded up which deters them to try.

I have to submit weekly and monthly reports, but I haven't been doing so. I don't care anymore. EVerytime, I suggest something, they will laugh and act like they know better, just because they have more experience and they can sell better than me. Not being as good in selling is my choice. Because I hate pushing people to buy more items. I hate trying to convince them that the pants/shirts/ties/ and whatever are very good buys, when I am not convinced myself. Well, anyway...

Let me quote you an example. I said that we should have our own paperbags. We should put some efforts into coming up with a paperbag that can help us do some advertising. They said that they want to save money and prefer to continue to use paperbags that do not even bear the brand name of the house brand. Can't be bothered to prove my point here, but aargh.. they made me realise that I should just keep quiet and act like I have no ideas at all. EVery idea you tell them is silly. I have a lot more. But I am telling myself not to get myself into trouble. They would not appreciate, but would only laugh at what I say.

I actually have a lot more to write. but.. dozing off ...

btw.. enjoyed watching soccer and a documentary on penguins with JJ yesterday. haha

and currently also looking for alternative source of income.

There's a new partime girl in the shop. She would be doing all the menial work I have been doing.. Finally... Bleah.. Not that I mind doing those stuff, just that when I have to do those seemingly unimportant, but actually very necessary stuff, I cannot concentrate on doing stuff that really adds value -- SELL.

Can't believe how some men just come in, declare his size, pick the designs and pay for them without trying. Eh.. very expensive leh. Well, they could share their wealth with me.

And.. I realise that men who are very big size, are quite sensitive about the sizes being picked up for them.

And everyone (female) in the company has bad breath. Issit because of the work nature? They all work particularly hard.. Gosh.. I hope I don't develop bad breath too..

Don't bore u.. ACtually, I have learnt or 'realise' lots others.

One more.. my increasingly "demure" self has been more of a bane than a boon. And my voice is so soft that a lot of people cannot hear what I say. What is wrong with me. Tsk.

**

There is a particular manager in the company. She's 31 this year. She's got very high EQ and great looks. She's travelling many countries for work cos the boss thinks very well of her.. Last few weeks, she's in Shanghai. She would be going Middle East soon. She's also been to France and blahblah.. So cool!!! I am dead envious. My dream to travel.. They would always say it's up to you which level you want to reach. 3 years later, everything will show.

So far, I have only been to
Beijing,
Korea,
Australia
Hongkong
Thailand
Malaysia?

:(

Italy? France? Japan? Russia? New York?

***

No urge to go into the marketing line...

***

The guy that wanted to 'sponsor' my hair salon trip tried to bank in money into my account this morning, without telling me. What a surprise. Ha..that account has been close though. So the money didn't go through eventually. I shouldn't take his money right? The previous time I was doing my internship, he banked in money to my account for a mini shopping spree.

try making me happy, will u

Someone offered to sponsor my hair rebonding for a belated birthday gift. Wow.. I asked him to reconsider it. Because my hair is quite long that it will take $200 to do the job. He should just buy hair serum for me instead. Cheaper, quite effective, little damage too.

Tempting.. I would like to dye my hair all black and rebond it.

I know I know.. rebonding is not appealing anymore. But it beats going around with a messy bunch of long hair which is 3/4 a blonde shade and 1/4 black from the roots. I'm sure I would look a lot better. And perhaps, like what those managers have been telling me.. when I look better, my sales will go up.

Right now.. I take all those stuff as crap. I refuse to put on more makeup or wear contact lens and I still go to work wearing old stuff from previous purchases.

Why why why? Why ask me to put on contact lens? I look very ugly now? I think I look nicer with my spectacles on. I love wearing them everyday.

***

Work sucks. It's a shop where people will not buy unless you push, you get really aggressive, manipulate their minds etc.. Sometimes, I try to do that. It's really quite hilarious. I would b told that they just want to browse. I would still talk to them. Then, I would suggest they try. They would refuse. I ignore. Still go the shirts for them to try. And, they go try. Sometimes, they buy, sometimes they don't. Still, if they had not tried, the chance of them buying would be near zero. I just suck at this job. Need to look for alternatives.

Nutz.. At this stage, it is like this, cos there isn't much appealing stuff to sell now. New stocks have been promised.. but.. it's nearly mid April, they are still nowhere near in sight.

Valentino's ties (I think) will be launched in the shop next week. Was told that thousands of people have been invited. Eh..thousands?? Hope that will help me in my target. Well.. I hope Valentino has nice ties. Cos the DKNY ones suck in design -- for very junior executives and students, I think.

My horrible colleague that I once mentioned before is still as scary as ever. I don't talk about her anymore, cos she seem to try to be nicer to me.. but well.. i realise that it's still the same. When she's nice to me, she's actually doing something detrimental to my wellbeing in the company. E.g., she offered to give me a sale to credit under my name. Sounds good? No.. She took a wrong size and insisted that I packaged it and give to the customer. She insisted claiming that she knows better and since she is so senior and was literally pushing me to the counter.. I keyed in my ID for the sales. So the customer came back yesterday very angry. And since it was under my name, I was being blamed for being careless. So many people knew about it. aarghh.. I shall be careful.

As long as my sales is still not up to mark, I would be stuck at this level. Within a month, this colleague has proceeded to the next already. Ya.. why compare me and her, just because both of us are new together. She is 34 years old and has been working in this line for very long.. How can they benchmark me against her.

****
Mother said that she would 'celebrate' my birthday with me this weekend. Said that reason she didn't celebrate with me on my birthday is cos "her God" told her that she cannot attend all birthday celebrations this year, else she will suffer from extreme bad luck.

All my other friends were making funny arrangements with me. Almost all my closer friends are still schooling. So, they are meeting up with me after exams.

A good guyfren said he wants to go get a skirt for me after his exams this week. haha..funny.. skirt..

My group of good old gfs rattled off a list of shopping malls, asked me which vouchers I want.

I know..for the past few years, my birthday has been this way. Cos it always falls during the exam period. For my uni, it falls exactly on exam day for the past few years.

***

I need to be happier.

:(

Happy birthday not happy birthday...

I have the weirdest boyfriend who just spoilt my birthday.

We met at 7pm after my work. I went to change into something nicer..

When we met, he kept talking about himself.

When we were at the restuarant, every dish I suggested he had bad criticisms. I got impatient after he consecutively scorn three of my suggestions and told him to choose whatever he likes.
He then blame me for being sensitive. Ok.. well, when u r asked for suggestions but get criticisms for everything u said.. do u still feel motivated to suggest more?

happy birthday not happy birthday

Then, after that, he kept harping on how I don't like his present and didn't say much about the dinner. I kept trying to convince him that I appreciate them and do like what he bought for me. But he just refuse to believe and I feel like I am being blamed for not looking like I like everything damn a lot. Is this nuts or what? And for the rest of the time, we just walked in the shopping mall aimlessly, moody. He expects me to be cheerful and happy after everything.. I was damn bored... There is nothing to do. We aren't talking much. Just walk around. Always like that. Just another day. Life used to be a lot more colourful and eventful than this.

happy birthday not happy birthday

After the dinner at 8.30pm, both of us were very unhappy. I have to try to make him happy, but yea... I did it half heartedly. Why do I need to cheer him up? He kept blaming the innocent me. So i got fed up... and decided that I would just go home and forget about what birthday celebration.. cos there is no celebration at all.

happy birthday not happy birthday.

It's 10.25pm.. yea.. birthday is ending. I hate birthdays.

my favourite thai food for dinner

If you can see.. the background is made out of felt and the pictures embroidered on it.

Interesting pink bag of soft leather with a shimmery finish from JJ.. I said i want a big cheap bag and he got me this. Minus the strawberry. The strawberry was given to me on another occasion. It's a mirror on the flip side.

pressies

Today is the day

hey all...

I just check my blog today and saw the messages left. :0) Thanx thanx..

***
It's now a little past 12midnight.. and I am being bombarded with smses, icq and msn messages of well wishes.

I am so greedy... I want more, not more of 'electronic well wishes' though. I want cards and presents and surprises and my friends' presence just like what they used to shower on me with.

My mother forgot my birthday. Humph..

***

I didn't have to work yesterday (11 April). Only a gf called to meet up with me. It's the exam period and majority of my friends are still schooling.. so I think..they are just going to sms me. I remember that I always try to buy presents way in advance and post it to my friends if I know I would be busy during their birthdays. Oh well.. we are not that young and free anymore I supposed..

**

As I am typing this... two friends have just asked me out. Eh... why didn't they ask me earlier, only ask me now? I guess these are the surprises u guys were trying to tell me I might get. Can't meet anyone tomorrow. I am working in the day till about 6.30pm. After that, JJ's taking me to dinner. Why didn't they ask me earlier.. :(

I miss those times when the group of girls just gather together to make the day special for the birthday girl. We could go to a ktv (my favourite) together and then dinner.

**

My sister just smsed me.. She said she would pass me my present when she sees me! :) **OVerJoyed*** She remembers and she made an effort to get me a pressie. :)

Went home yesterday. Had supper with my mother. She hates my job and calls me every now and then to quit. She asked me to think of what I want to do and she would provide me with the start up money. Wah seh.. haha..

I am officially 23 years of age.

my red letter day

It's just ROUND the corneR....

But nothing's happening..

Didn't I tell myself not to be bothered by it?

It's just a birthday.. Just a birthday....

I am already disappointed.

not so grouchy today

teeheehee..

I am alright now.

Don't mind me.. Three quarter the time I have silly thoughts running through my mind.

I need to be more rational and reasonable and positive.

I need to socialise more. I haven't been meeting up friends. Being alone too much. It's bad. It makes me a negative person.

A friend asked me out tonight. Went Brewerkz. Ah..I don't like the food. But luckily I don't have to pay 30 bucks for some funny fish and chip.. He gave me a treat. Though, JJ was mad at me for letting this guy treat me. Birthday treat mah.. Why cannot..Anyway, this guy has beeen attached for years and years and I have never liked him before. He's just someone I can trust my deepest secrets to, and yet wouldn't judge me.

We went to GG>>5. He was going to buy me something from there for my birthday gift. Bcos he's not confident that he would get something I like, he asked me to choose. He's the kind that buys softtoys for girls all the time. No!!! No softtoys for me. I only like practical stuff. Anyway, didn't look nice in the black skirt I have been eyeing for sometime. Decided to go eat instead of shop. He was saying something about meeting up again to shop for my birthday gift. Ermm..Forget it. I don't think I can pick up my present.

***

My supervisor at work came telling me that she dreamt of a unique display yesterday. So today, she took the mannequin (whatever the spelling) and started pinning a lot of ties on a $500 jacket. Can you picture a jacket with a lot of ties pinned all over it like a patchwork of sort. Together with the 12 ties, it costs over $2000. I think.. she's spoiling the ties and jacket.. it will be difficult to sell them afterwards. I'm so boring huh.. But, ya..she always has unique display ideas-- though whether the display looks good is quite subjective. There are some books in the store on window displays in milan, italy, paris etc. wanna read them soon.

Intend to quit after this month. Meanwhile, will try to learn more.

By the way, there are three shops selling similar stuff all on the same stretch at the same side near the entrance of suntec. but..hmm... dunno.. They actually belong to the same company. Why can't they put me in the other 2 shops? Would be a lot easier. Okie.. I know, I can learn more in the big shop.. but.. nevermind..

They are constantly recruiting more people. AFter recruiting so many people, they are still shorthanded. Why? Many left after a while? I asked today if they ever recruit males. They said they tried... but customers hate being served by guys and prefer girls. And sales gets very bad when they put the guys to work. REally? So funny. You mean those men really prefer being served by girls.. May of the customers come with their partners.. so does gender still matter? I thought anyone who is professional will do. Am i asking a silly question again. I am not professional still btw.

An angmo couple came in mumbling english that I could not understand. And asked me if I was speaking Singlish, cos they could not understand me. I was so INSULTED but kept my cool anyway.

**********

I..... bought a silly pink Sanyo digicam more than a year back. When my battery charger got spoilt, I panicked.. Have to go Sanyo at Tannery Lane to replace and it costs $75. How wonderful. Anyway, I tried my luck at Simlim and bought a pirated one that can charge all sorts of brands of digicam batteries - $45 and I didn't have to travel that far. See, try to be funny buy some ulu brand which doesn't provide much support..

***

It's April 2005 already! One destination a year. Hope to keep to it.

**

Love you people :)

Just now, my phone rang..I was really happy. Been waiting for that call.. To realise it was my sister and not him. No other 'him' lah.. I have been waiting for JJ to call. But well, knowing him, he won't.

First, we don't get to meet up much. Then, when we do, he doesn't have much to say. He's often in a daze. Staring into empty space. Thinking of a place to eat is a chore. Thinking of what to do after eating is yet another chore. He just doesn't seem like he's enjoying time with me. He says I am thinking too much.

We walked past TopShop where there was this rack of underwear. You know those underwear that TopShop sells.. I pointed to them and asked him to look. Afterwards, he started talking about how girls should wear those appealing designs over those which provide functionality. This got me unhappy. Because I prefer functional undergarments and usually compromise with design as a result.

See... you got to wear a dark beige underwear under white clothes, so that it wouldn't look obvious. Cotton underwear is better for the skin, but they usually lack aesthetical appeal. So as I was saying, my priority is functionality and so I don't wear a lot of fanciful or whatever underwear. So I was unhappy with what he said and I remembered all those pictures he were looking at - voluptuous girls wearing fanciful underwear and all. Feel like killing him.

Oh..maybe you think I should try to please him by doing what he likes. I did try, and feel stupid trying.. it wasn't enough.

I think I should stop blogging. I hardly ever say anything positive and it makes me feel bad. I am trying to seek solace here, but ended up feeling worse sometimes.

I think I make a terrible girlfriend, cos I think too much about unnecessary issues. I expect too much from my boyfriend. I am expecting him to be very in love with me and be disinterested in all other girls. I don't know what I am talking about lah.

Going to call him. And tell him I want to break up. Childish.. but .. I feel so awful I want to do something about this agony.

a good for nothing

Today is totally lousy. I was so stressed and couldn’t believe it that my total sales in that 8 hours is ZILCH. The only item ever sold this entire day from 10am to 10pm is at 1pm, pathetic discounted tie. So total sales today is $122.55 credited to my colleague. We are supposed to make at least $2000 a day..

There isn’t much to sell…Not enough designs, not enough sizes.

I wonder why in many shops I go to, I never need the salespeople to persuade and tell me anything about their products to buy something. Walk in, see something I like, buy. What is wrong with this shop that most people that come in require me to talk so much before they would buy.. Feedback given to me was that I am not manipulative enough.

Most shops you go to would have sales people greeting you “Welcome”. That’s it. The sales people there is just to give you any help if you need. Places like Zara don’t even have people who would smile to you.

Why must I talk so much? Why must I be so manipulative? The products and display should be attractive enough that at least a handful of people would see something they fancy without you having to talk them into buying.

Don’t think I would pass this probation… Would be a huge disgrace to be asked to leave..
Yea.. I can’t sell. I just can’t sell. When I am being asked to do all sorts of menial work like steaming pants, ironing shirts, packing shirts, counting and recounting inventory, lotsa administration work.. I don’t have much time to sell either.

Wish new stock would come in soon..

I am so dEmORaLized.

So lousy.

Nothing I am good at.

Having gone through years of education and working with people, there is still nothing I am good at.

Hate myself.

I suck.

And I am hungry. No break kakis. No dinner kakis. No supper kakis. L

Can I stop being so pathetic.

would u remember?

Blogspot had problems and my entire entry was gone. Couldn't leave comments or post any entries last night. Luckily, I saved a fraction of what i had been writing then, though only a fraction.. So dumb of me not to save everything just before I click POST. Whatever's written, it's done yesterday.

*****

Earlier, I saw a guy who is the bf of one of the bloggers. He was walking with a girl who is probably his colleague. Now and then, I would bump into some bloggers and even their friends whom I recognise after seeing the pictures. It feels a little strange. You know that person, but you don't actually know that person, you get what I mean? *Shrug*

We know how small Singapore is.. Want to cheat? Have some sense not to go town together. (No, actually, please don't ever cheat on your partner and make the world a better place to live in. Pleaseee....) Your bf/gf might not be there, but their friends are.. now, with funny channels such as friendster and blogs, your partner's unwittingly got herself some private detectives or informers everywhere.

There were several occasions when I personally witnessed or learnt about my friends' partners cheating on them. I didn't tell my friends. Dunno lah.. Either way, it's bad. And they always choose to believe their bfs in the end, because it's easier to give their partners the benefit of the doubt so that they can still stay with their loved ones... Well... Anyway, I would want my friends to tell me if they know of my bf cheating on me.. So that I can stop wasting my youth and reduce my opportunity cost of being together with a scumbag.

****

Now and then, male acquaintances asked me to go Zouk. Never go with them. Hmm.. I find myself too old for Zouk now. The crowd there is too young for my liking, which is such a pity, cos I enjoy dancing there... And.. I am starting to like sitting down for drinks and listening to music at places like Balaclava now. Hiakzz.. Actually, I haven't been in there yet. I think the term people would use for such an activity is "chilling out" or "go drinking". Chilling out sounds childish to me.

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I am the sort that like to stay out, and not bum around at home much. Everyday after work, I don't like to go home straight. I usually knock off at 6.30pm or 10pm. Don't get to meet JJ often. He has to study, has to enjoy his personal space, accompany his mother etc.. His workplace is so far away. His house is also very far away. Times when I knock off at 10pm, it's needless to say that I would have to be alone. There would not be surprises.

But I don't like to eat alone.. EVerytime after work, I would be so hungry for dinner or supper. Most of the times, I would just walk around a little and go home.. Don't want to eat alone. AFter work, I would love to go for a coffee and chat with someone or so.. Don't want to go home. :( My life is so uneventful now. Though, work is rather fun.. I want other fun too.. :(

****

My birthday is really coming and I keep forgetting about it, which is good. I used to take my birthdays so seriously. It used to be an occasion when I would judge how important I am to individual friends from what they do or not do for my birthdays.

Numbed and jaded from the disappointments in recent years.

Sms,icq and msn 'happy birthday' to me is not appreciated. unless it comes from someone I hardly know.

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As I was saying, part of this entry is gone.. Don't want to retype.

I wonder

Are there any guys who are bullemic or aneroxic?