Things I don't know how to do

I want to add links of blogs I usually read.

I want to add a photo.

I want to have photos meant for one single entry, to appear in that one entry, instead of one entry per photo. If u know what i mean.

*****

On differing views -Guys VS Girls

Guys and girls see things differently. This, everyone knows. Perhaps, I should have added in what guys would prefer to see on girls, right beside each picture. Bah.. I want to go play game. Anyway, this is what I have observed/realised, and I stupidly take so long to realise this.




T-shirt bra --Too plain, not sexy enough.

Those PJs from Pasar Malams - pyjamas dress in shirt form with large cartoon prints, hello kitty and the like -- not quite attractive to the guys.

Some girls find these cute. Guys find them a turn off.

Many girls love mules, minus the pain and agony to wear them for more hours. Many guys find mules witchy looking instead, especially the black ones.

Most girls might find baby doll dresses feminine and demure looking on them. Most guys would simply comment that this sort of dresses/tops make girls look like they are pregnant.

Went shop at Orchard to check out the sale. Only one top caught my fancy. From FCUK. But it isn't on sale. So, I am not buying it. Must store power for Bangkok.

Watched DEEP THROAT. I wouldn't recommend anyone to watch it. It's not a movie at all. It's documentary style, telling you history of the evolvement of pornography in USA, and probably, how blowJobs got popularise. BORING!!!! Even Madagascar would have been more entertaining. Not exaggerating.Misleading movie reviews there are.

For the past few days, I have been enthusiastically and anxiously indulging in my daily dose of SCV tv serials. -- Only available to me when I live in my other house.

Also been shopping for the business a little. It's rare that I spent an entire day with my mother, just the two of us.

Went night cycling again yesterday. Someone gave JJ and I plus our bikes a ride to Sentosa. There we cycled. Then cycled an hour along Pasir Panjang which was a rather unpleasant and tedious ride - totally cyclist unfriendly. I wanted supper, as always. Stopped by NUS prata place.

I knew long ago that though 'Fong Seng" is popular with many, the food there is far from great tasting. They cannot even make proper teh-peng. Still, the 'atmosphere' there is good enough to make up for the lousy food. haha..

The one at Thomson Road is still my favourite. Especially when a favourite old friend on mine stays near there too.

Anywayz.. I don't know why despite 9 hours of sleep, I still feel awfully lethargic. The cycling yesterday was perhaps, too much for someone like me, who hardly exercises now.

JJ is developing a beer/alcohol belly. SShhhhh.. he will be angry if he reads this. :)

Too tired for Orchard Road now.. Bah. will drag myself to go prepare. Better enjoy my freetime while it lasts, for before long, it will be taken away again.

**
btw..did I mention that I am going Bangkok again. It's the coming Friday. I didn't realise that it's just round the corner. Gonna dig out my nicest clothes to wear there. :) And I won't bore you all with pictures of Bangkok as if you haven't been there before. :) Especially since I am reluctant to 'show face' too. Too many secrets here.

happy stuff, unhappy stuff

Coincidentally, my cousin and my mother's friend are moving house. People who move house have a lot of rubbish they want to discard and give away. Hiakz..Lucky me.

Lucky me got the following;

1) 2 FREE aircons
2) 1 FREE washing machine
3) 1 FREE fridge
4) lotsa pretty and FREE crockeries and cutleries

YAY!

More to come. :) Must make sure the freebies don't clash with the whole "theme" of the place.

Not childcare center lah.

Nothing glamourous. In fact, it's something that most of us are skeptical about. To all my graduate and undergraduate friends, this is a total stupid idea and they wonder why Satin is getting all weird after University studies, pulling all sorts of stunts --first salesgirl then some funny student care center she's going to run. I can't be bothered to clarify that I wasn't a salesgirl. I was a retail management trainee and this company only hire all the graduates to do the job. Teehee..I sound like a total grouch to be so easily offended by people's criticisms of my decision. Whatever lah, at the end of the day, as long as I make money and fulfill my dreams, glamour and "face" wouldn't matter that much anymore.

When it's renovated, I will take pics of it and post it here. My entries have been so wordy.

*****

I chatted with my first bf on icq some days back. He's not a local. He's not in Singapore. He was confiding in me about his current career. And I told him what I have been doing. He said something that I did not realise myself. He said, "You are one big step nearer to 2 of what you always wanted to do." That is, Invest and Business.

When my first bf and I were in JC, we always talk about investing, business and travelling the world.

Sometime ago, I invested a sum of my CPF money into balanced funds. Reason why I have the money even though I have only worked 2 months, is because of my mother's regular contribution to my CPF fund since I was young. This is one small step, or you can say one big step. It is quite difficult to take the first step. I have a trusted financial adviser too - a friend with definite intelligence and integrity and love towards her friends. So, here's investing.

Then it's the student care center thing lah. It was my mother's idea. Not mine. I am more interested in the retail and wholesale business. I sorta complained of the low margins and potential for substantial profits. She surprised me when she said that I cannot be so pessimistic. She said that I need to run this well and She believe that I am capable to make it profitable and open up more branches in future. WAh seh! Mother say she believe that I am capable leh. hahaha..I never believed in myself.

A little sidetrack, my mother is the only one who thinks I am slim and attractive. :)

****

Recently, I am feeling happiness from deep within that I haven't tasted for a very long time. JJ is one reason too. He's been rather good tempered, supportive and loving these days. I never thought I could be really happy again.

Despite a few unhappy instances, I'm still fine. I recently discovered a lie my 2nd bf (previous bf) told me. He was supposed to help me return a library book months ago (last year June), before I even knew JJ. But, I kept receiving reminders from the library that I haven't returned the book. I called him and asked several times about the book, he said he's already returned. A couple of days ago at the library, I checked the amount I owed the library -- $28. Wonderful! That book cost me overdue charges of $28. The librarian said that the book was only returned recently.

Don't need to give that scumbag any benefit of the doubt. He's been telling irresponsible and ridiculous lies since I first knew him. It's my life's greatest misfortune to ever cross paths with this loser, NUS dropout cum compulsive liar who loves blowing his own horn. You will never understand my agony until you personally meet such a compulsive liar. Total waste of my time, leaving SUPER UGLY FOOTPRINTS in my life. Pui! Somebody please put him to jail for inflicting emotional torture on a sweet nice girl like me. I tell you, he will never change. He lies to the entire world. He's got identity crisis. I gave him too many chances. He likes people to believe that he's an A student, very rich and drives. But, he's an NUS dropout, normal income family and owns no car. When I first know him, for many times, we walked along the carpark to his house, he would say,"I wonder where's my car, I think my uncle must have borrowed it again." Truth is, he has no car. :) But he can stage such an act in front of me. The issue is not that I mind whether he's rich. None of my bfs are rich and I don't like guys who are rich to be my bfs, for some reasons. The issue is, What is there to lie about??? Don't have don't have lah, lie for what. Kenasia. I am getting angry writing this. Don't write liao. He's forcing all the Singlish out of me. haha

I previously kept an online diary at another site. I started writing because the above said scumbag caused me so much misery and I Was so stupid to cling on to the relationship for more than a year. Glad I walked away from it all. It ended with him falling in love with a silly young fat not ladylike at all girl working partime at Mos Burger. What a humiliation. She was the one who kept urging him to be with her. And he was so cheap and probably very flattered that some girl actually want him. So, they had a secret affair which I uncovered. I tried to convince him that I am definitely a better gf to him than that stupid fat pig. My plot was to get him back and dump him. Later, I got sick of it all, and gave him up for good. So, the two losers got together. One month later, he contacted me again. Asked me to patch up. I met up with him, just to see what exciting story there is.

He listed all the bad points of that girl. BAd dress sense, walks like a guy, got some moustache like stuff(whatever it's called), rough hands, too short, too selfish, no interest in her, no feelings for her, not attraction towards her.. :) Started telling me how good I am. And to prove that he wants to get back with me, he told her that he wanted to break up and avoided her. That pig plus a few other partimers (her girlfriends) all turned against him, and gave him a hard time at work. :) STill, I didn't get back with him. He sucks lah. Now, there are times, I recall some lies he told me and feel a shudder of fear. You will never understand. Just like JJ will never understand because nobody ever ill treats him this way before. Of cos, may this sort of pple perish from EARth ASAP,so that none of us would meet him. And I know I can't let him affect the rest of my life.

Oh no..I said i won't talk about him anymore.

It's 1.30am. I am alone at home with the dog. For the past 3 days I have beeen sleeping at 6plus in teh morning. Nocturnal liao. Jobless girl's lifestyle. Needta go get the new computers. No company.

There is no doubt a lot of frustration in taking an alternative path to rough it out myself.

People always ask, "So who are you doing it with? Who's your partner?You have capital meh?"

I don't exactly have a partner. I don't intend to engage help either. Only temp assistants.

But it's a relief that it has been rather easy to get help so far. Just ask. JJ has been supportive too. My mom and sis too. Don't think my Dad knows.

**

Anywayz, recently, I have come across a few cases of the guy having rather inferior qualities, but still sought after by a number of girls. Why???!!!!! There is a man who doesn't earn much, looks very bad, very very petty, gets angry very easily, married with children. Yet, he has a very attractive and sought after mistress. This mistress is a common friend of the couple. The wife and the rest of the family knows, but they have been putting up with the situation. This kind of man also can get wife and mistress, and both their understanding. Yuck. He doesn't have my respect and I don't quite enjoy dining with him these days. If I were the wife, I would definitely divorce him. No way I am going to share my husband with anyone else. He thinks he can get a girlfriend even when he's married? I will get a boyfriend as well too.

Whatever lah. The next time, they are out, I don't want to follow anymore. What if one day, when I go out with them, and we happen to bump into his wife and children while he is holding hands with the mistress? I don't want to be part of it.

Today is Sunday.

I am very very very BORED.

It's so warm and dull at home.

Doing a little cleaning up for my room.

I want to go OUT to PLAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I need more friends!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where are those friends of mine... I meet them once in a long while. I don't have a friend whom I meet up more often. (I do have one. But I don't want her anymore lah. Becos of some reasons.) I don't even have colleagues to go drinking or dancing with.

JJ is out meeting a friend.

I'm morphing into a Pathetic Social Recluse.

Somebody, be my friend, will u?

I am suffering from an overdose of solitude and JJ is suffering from an overdose of me. Unhealthy!

Somebody, be my friend, will u? Ask me out leh....

haha.. back for the 4th time today.

was reading someone's blog/diary entry..

From a guy, I sort of know.

He just got attached for a couple of months.

Some time back, he said, "Although, ** has many bad points, speaks too loudly, don't walk that ladylike, ...., I still love her a lot. She will always be my dear." I can't remember the rest of the bad points he had listed.

In his most recent entry, he wrote, "Although dear has many bad points, I will still love her."

Honestly, I feel sorry for his gf. First, he himself has many many bad qualities. Then he actually said such a thing, as if he's very wei3 da4 and that his gift of love for his girlfriend is an act of kindness and that she's extremely lucky to receive it. See the toothpick in another's eye, but not the plank in his own.

Gosh, wonder if she reads his diary.

It works vice versa.

Although this idiotic guy cannot earn much money, cannot speak properly, is very narrowminded and selfish and badtempered, is getting near rolypoly, spots an extreme centerparting and very flat hairstyle, hardly shaves and looks like shit, very calculative with his gf's family.....(I can go on and on).. his gf still loves him. He's the lucky one.

Eeeyer!!!!!

I shall not read his entries again.

I patronise tcc cafe for the first time earlier. The delay is due to bad reviews from friends, and the cakes not big in size, enough for my liking. Decide to give it a try at cineleisure. The drink was fine, service good, atmosphere excellent. BUT, I don't like the extra service charge and gst. So, I shall stick to my trusty Coffee Bean.

At one point of time, I was in daze. I read the scribblings on the tcc serviette and tadah! There, I finally found a name for my center! YaY! JJ was agreeable to the name. I was rattling off all sorts of names to him the whole of yesterday, especially when we went night cycling. None of which was good, and now, something suitable and a little cute and a little special. Checked the yellowpages, the name's not used yet. Hopefully, the name has not been registered yet.

:)

Wait till I get the name registered then I will blog about it. Nothing special. Reason for my behaviour -- I am getting KIASU and KIASI.

Btw.. I am HAPPY! Not because I found a name. After the jobless period, pathetic paying second job that robs me of a social life period and the bf-is-a jerk period, I have been living happier days, clocking more happier moments.

Though, I think JJ's suffering from an overdose of me. He was rather sian tonight. He's the kind that cannot spend too much time with his girlfriends, including me. He says that he's already spending a record breaking amount of his time with me.

I have my pride too. Don't meet lah! :p I shall not meet him tmr. Humph.

Tmr, I will go church and spend some time with my relatives, and of course, my virgin project.

From Thursday night to Saturday night, we have been spending quite a bit of time together.
1. Went Safra Mount Faber
2. Bowling (I watched him bowl)
3. Night Cycling (I complain about my thunder thighs)
4. Library (He need to do research)
5. Watched Starwars (He wants to watch)
6. Shopping (I haven't been Orchard for ages)
7. Lotsa Eating (We are both greedy pple)
8. Reading together (We both like to read,not story books)
9. and quite a few others.. this morning he said, "we did a lot of things these few days."

I spent quite a bit of time with his mother too.. STressful, you know??!!! LEss of it please... STressful. Must make sure I don't do anythign to make her unhappy, make sure I speak louder so that she won't mistake me for being rude when she didn't hear me...

Just realised that my graduation ceremony clashes with work. --20 July Wednesday 1pm.

Another excuse not to go for graduation. :)

i don't entertain pple

As I grow older, I find myself enjoy spending time with my family members, even those of the extended family like my aunties and cousins.

Now that I have quit that job which have robbed me of 2 months of my life, I am thoroughly enjoying my new found freedom.

For the past few days, I haven't been home, and so not use the computer.

I went with my mother to check out the place I am renting. DAMN!!!!! It's in very bad shape. My heart sank when I saw the place... Even the fundamentals are not there. Windows? Toilet bowl?

i need the following

1. replace all windows
2. convert the squatting toilet system to a sitting one
3. get a new sheet of flooring
4. repaint the whole place
5. fix aircons

The above are just the bare essentials. The rest..

6. Tables
7. Chairs
8. Shelf
9. 1 computer, printer
10. Signage


The marketing stuff

11. Banner
12. Leaflets
13. Namecard

Plus some others. I am totally disorganized at his point of time.

Went to check out other similar businesses for the past few days. I suspected low profit margins some time ago. And, yea.. the profits isn't quite that enticing. But well. I'm at it! I'll do it.

Can u guess what I am going into??

Btw.. we have been cracking our heads for a NAME. Needta register the business soon. I need a name. and I cannot come up with a decent one. Honestly, I would like to use my own name. But, it doesn't sound good and doesn't seem that ept.

There is something that I never like to do --- Ask for Help. When I was younger, I realised that there is noone I can depend on, but myself. Bleah... i am going to be more organized, and really get help this time round. For a start, I can ask my friends to donate me their story books, as well as look out for pple who want to do partime. Starts in July though. I need it to be earlier. But, those there are still pple occupying the shopspace.. AArghh... My mother was bad at the negotiation. Never asked me along and signed a bad deal.

Again,

I need a reliable and reasonably priced contractor for renovation works.

I need a brand name.

My entire sleep was spent dreaming about everyday at work.

When will my favourite cufflinks and ties get sold? Who will be the ones buying it?

There's a hot pink striped shirt that nobody ever wants to buy. There are still about 10 of them. When will they get sold?

What if my customers come back to look for me?My rather evil colleague would claim the credit.

What about my supervisor whom I have developed feelings for. (not the same as developing feelings for my bf.) I remember crying hard when my seniors in band left school back in secondary school days. Maybe, somewhere in me longed for an elder sister, a mentor. I never like to hang out with younger girls and guys. Always attracted to older man and women. Feel that I can learn a lot from them.

Okok.. no good. Today must be the last day I mourn over this work. JJ cannot understand why I am so upset over this.

I didn't want to tell her my plans. She thought that I was crazy to quit when I haven't even found a new job. Told her briefly that my mother gave me money for a venture. Her last words, "When you earn money, come and tell me. " I ran off.. Before I burst out crying in front of her and the whole company will know.

****

Start getting all the help I can for my "new thing". Wish me luck dearies!

It has come to an end

Today is my last day of work.

It was rather unexpected and I felt really upset.

I couldn't talk to her (my supervisor) cos if I was trying hard to hold back my tears. If I speak more, I would start crying uncontrollably. She's great, and I'm gonna miss this person who's such a creative genius and taught me so much. Quickly packed my things and walked out. Went straight to the washroom and cried my heart out.

Been there less than 2 months, but felt as if it were much longer. I am already attached to everything there. During this 2 months, I have had one instance when a very very impatient and rude customer made things very difficult for me and told me straight in the face that I am a very bad salesperson. He said it not just once, but several times. But, there are quite a number of customers telling me that I am a very good salesperson and that I have a very nice smile, I make good recommendations and all.

I feel very bad how they have put in so much effort to help me and teach me, to find their efforts all gone down the drain. I guess they are used to training and retraining pple too.

Leaving this job, holding a whole new way of looking at guys. Very sensitive to what guys are wearing now.

I don't have to go to work tmr. Now, I am lost again.

Today, I finally pluck up the courage to say that I want to quit. Funny eh? But well, she's taught me so much and treated me well, I feel bad for leaving. By "she" I am referring to my supervisor. I haven't told the more important person yet. Wait till I get my resignation letter typed. Gosh, can u imagine that I actually have to type a resignation letter? What an event. haha.. First resignation letter in my life, and hopefully the last.

She asked why. I said, because the pay is too low and I don't have the capability to achieve high pay in this company. --- So tactful and diplomatic of me. :)

She said, "But u haven't even put in much effort and u r still in the 2nd month of probation period, how do you know that U can't, when u haven't tried hard?"

I won't tell the truth. Not good. Well, the truth is that it's gonna take a lot of effort and a lot of sacrifices and almost everyday of my life from the time I wake up till I sleep would be dedicated to work. Not kidding. And the return on investment ROI is just not attractive enough.

She added that I am being myopic by switching to another job just because it pays a few hundred more at the start. EVeryday go office and work all your life -- won't amount to anything great. Who says working in offices won't lead to a lot of money rolling in?

Lazy to type on.

Now now.. draft resignation letters. Should I still continue sending in my reports everyday? I cannot really be bothered to sell more now actually. I am definitely not going to eat my sales target this month and they are definitely going to deduct $200 for not hitting my target. Whether I sell $19,000 or $10,000, I still don't get the pathetic $200. So forget it. Will help them do other operational work instead. Once you don't hit $20K, $200 is automatically deducted. Okay, I am getting angrier and angrier typing this. TAke me for cheap labour. Since I am leaving, still think so much for what. I need to refocus. I did learn a lot of useful things through this job. BREATHE.

Now, will just give them a little time to look for new pple.

Getting excited about my new plan. It's gonna be tough. Tougher than my existing job. But welll, at least nobody "on top"'s gonna give me hell for every little mistake I make, cos this time round, I am the Boss, second to my customers though. :) My customers are my bosses. They pay me my monthly income. Nope, I don't want to let too many pple know what I am going to do. So often, pple like to scorn and criticise everyone else's dreams and plans.

***

I been eating a lot a lot alot alot... All the fats go to my butt and thighs. :(

Today was spent in total solitude.

Woke up after an extremely vivid nightmare of how JJ had enough of me and started seeing another girl at the same time. IT wasn't even done secretly. He just told me that if I want to be with him, I have to accept him being with the other girl as well. I dreamt that I totally lost his favour and he went out to spend the night with her and off his mobile phone. I was in total dispair not able to reach him on his phone. And I told myself that it is just my luck that this is happening again and that I need to look for other guys to distract me and help me get over this time period. I felt acute heartache and extreme grief in the nightmare.

I used to have such nightmares during the time when I broke up with my first boyfriend and got together with my second bf. During that period of time, I was totally depressed. I often had many vivid nightmares and started crying hard in my dreams. I was crying in my dreams. My second bf being the total scumbag he had always been, said very sarcastically that I should go see a psychologist and tried to refrain from having much to do with me. See, the reason why I suffered all these emotional trauma was because of him, but I shall not going into details what a scumbag he had been right from the start.

My first bf has left a very enduring impact in my life. Not because he is my first bf, but because he was a total angel. Really. I remember feeling so grateful and lucky and thank god for having such a wonderful guy then. That was true love, which never ever happened to me again. Even though JJ is not as much of a scumbag as the second, I wouldn't call it 'true love'. And it's so sad that it's so possible that I might just marry a guy who happens to be my bf at this age, despite him not being my soulmate or loving me truly and deeply.

Anyway, I totally don't feel for the second one at all. It's strange how despite being together for almost 2 years and were so close with even each other's family members, and yet we just disappear from each other's lives now and we don't even care for what we have ever shared before. The relationship was a total failure. What a waste of my time and youth and money.

**

back to today in solitude.

Nightmare. Don't feel like goign work. Today is supposed to be my OFF day, but I thought I would just go back and work to work on my sales. No mood. So decided not to go. I think my supervisor wil be unhappy with me.

Anyway, cooked myself a meal. Feed the dog.

Watched DVDs and more DVDs.

Went Westmall for haircut.

Shopped a little.

Ate at Mos Burger alone. Read Folio magazine.

Bought Cleo magazine to read on the bus ride to my other home in North.

Bought fruits.

Then, at the computer till now.

All alone from the time I wake up till I close my eyes.

dun want to blog anymore.

bang bang ! Suddenly happy :)

Replaying Atomic Kitten's greatest hits over and over again.

Completed two reports! Yea. Seldom efficient.

Now there's that CRM tool thingy and another after-event report.. Sian bo? So many...

Told ya, they want me to spend every waking moment on my work.

For this month, I want to put in more effort in this work, whether or not I am going to continue working, most most likely not. Especially when my mother already rented a place for my other work. I want to put in more effort to reclaim some personal pride. Honestly, I feel bad that so many pple in the company, even the big boss is helping me to perform better. Guilty. Ashamed. Touched. Happy. Regardless having to live with poverty in this job, I have learnt a lot alot. I am still glad I took up this job. Met one lousy colleague, but many other good managers whom I have learnt a lot from. Must translate this learning to ability to earn more money from now on.

Today, I went M.A.C to buy foundation. It's the cheapest already. Of cos, I could get Maybelline and Loreal.. but bleah.. get something unsatisfactory,have to buy another to substitute, might as well just buy a better one. (JJ says i am not a spendthrift. I seldom splurge now. Except spending too much on transport. I don't spend money like water!!!) This is not the point.

My point is that M.A.C has one of the worst customer service and no techniques at the sales floor around. Out of more than 5 "makeup consultants" I have come across at different M.A.C counters, only one has the proper friendlier attitude. They just don't care whether you buy or not. They don't try to maximise their sales either. If they bother to try, their sales will increase dramatically for sure. I am positive. but none of my business. they are too uppity, don't care for more profits. :) I am lazy to type ways they can maxmise sales. Oh, I am very good at talking, not very good at doing it myself, I know.

Aiyah..I am just feeling very happy that I took up this job at this company. A lot of hardship, but a lot of gains as well. :)

****

ACutally, I am blogging for the second time tonight. I had only wanted to say that.. BAngs are in fashion now. Bangs --> Short fringe. And I am gonna jump on this bandwagon. :) Dying to chop inches off my hair. So long now!!! Difficult to manage.

what a lot of er xin people around

****TRAUMATISED***

Something utterly disgusting happened today.

I sold nothing today. :) Most of the time I was busy checking and rechecking inventory level and dealing with alterations etc..

Anyways, this middle aged Malay man stood at the entrance. He looked interested in pants. Thought my $198 'fishy' finally here for me to break my EGG. Asked him to try. He said ok. So got him the size he asked for -- 34 inch.

He went into the fitting room which doesn't have a 'door'. Three pieces of curtains act as the 'door'.

Waited for quite long. He didn't come out for me to see. Asked him if it fits. He said too small, way too small. I got him a size larger. He pulled open the curtains. To my horror, he wasn't wearing the undersized pants. He was naked with his gigantic tummy, his stupid underwear and bermudas dropped to his shoes. Now, why must he take off his underwear to try pants? If he was changing, he would have taken off the bermudas entirely right? Damn. Initially, I didn't think that much. Naive me thought that he's just careless.

So, for the rest of the time, I just stood outside waiting for him for very long. It was totally quiet inside. No sound of changing. He doesn't want to come out. He doesn't want to reply me much. Every interval of minutes, he would say too small and I get him a bigger size. Each time I pass him the pants, he would just pull open the damn curtains where I will see him exactly the same at the start with that bloody thing standing. Time and again I thought, he's being careless again. I wondered what's wrong with me that I estimated his size that badly that I have to keep getting him bigger sizes.

It's natural for me to wait outside and want to see what the customer looked like wearing the pants. Cos I need to take his measurement and persuade him to buy. So I waited and hoped to see him in the pants for me to find out what is really wrong.

AFter a very long time, I accidentally see from the gap between the curtains that he's stroking his damn thing in the fitting room, looking at himself in the mirror. I was really disgusted. Walked over to my supervisor and said that the customer had no intentions of buying, dunno what he's doing inside. I didn't quite want to say what I saw. This idiot then walked out and said that the pants don't fit and left.

My supervisor sorta guessed what happened and told me to say to such people, "You need bigger size? Come out and get it yourself."

Gross Gross Gross !!!

What is wrong with this man? That disgusting image pops up in my head every now and then.

Often, there are girlfriends that follow their guys into the fitting room to watch their guys change too. Sigh.. On such occasions, I will walk away for a while. The seat inside the room is for them to put clothes, not let the girl sit there and do whatever.

Aiyah. Idiots. Tsk. Very exciting for them huh?

By the way, been meeting a lot of gay couples during work. Hmm.. not that i am that against them, but I didn't know there are so many rich gays in Singapore. Girls not cute enough meh? Why must turn to guys?????!!!!!! ha.. I just contradicted what I said.

Work been very busy. They actually expect their staff to spend every waking moment doing something for the company. After work, there are still lotsa stuff to do.

I don't mind pumping in all the efforts and making all the sacrifices if I get substantial monetary compensation in return. But, I don't!!!!! I can hardly make ends meet!!!!!!


*****

The dateline to order graduation gown is near. I am in the "don't-want-to-go-graduation" again mood. Not big deal. No big achievement. Must spend money on the graduation wear too. For what? Not excited. Unless it's my wedding, otherwise not excited.

I FEEL LIKE GETTING MARRIED. FEEL LIKE BEING SOMEONE'S WIFE. FEEL LIKE BEING A MOMMY. :)

Hee.. but I won't be foolish to rush into a marriage now lah. For practical purposes, i can't have a baby either.

until this is over

I've got some juicy insider news to share about FF brand and RR brand. But, I can't. What if someone in the company chances upon my blog? There are so many girls in early 20s in the company. Very very high possibility. Sigh. No FREEDOM!!

I am broke. Thus my present for my mommy was rather cheap. :) Picked 3 lovely underwear for her. wahahhahaa... Couldn't bring myself to say stuff like "happy mother's day" or "happy birthday" though. Sigh.. What a lousy daughter. I would call her. Would ask her to eat. Would look for her on these occasions, but I just cannot deliver such 'greetings'.

**

I am broke. And I mean real broke. When I was a student, I had a lot of money to spare. I went travelling, splurged on clothes and restaurant meals and take taxi almost everyday. I even splurge quite a lot on my ex bfs e.g. paying a part for our holidays. Now that I am working, I am ironically poorer than before.

I might as well just say it. Though it's something quite humiliating..

My salary after CPF deduction was real pathetic. To make matters worse, they delayed my pay. :) I am actually only getting my salary tomorrow -- 9 May 2005. Yesterday after work, I was on my way to take train to JJ's house. I realised that my EZlink had no more value. So I went to top up when I realised that I don't even have 10 bucks to top up my card. Stood there staring at the top up machine with many thoughts flashing through my mind. Never worked so hard and gave up so much freedom and time for any work before. Despite the past 1.5 months of hard work, I actually landed myself in this predicament. I almost burst out crying. Called JJ. He told me to buy a single trip ticket and get myself to his place first.

When I met him, I fought hard to keep myself from crying. He knew I would be hungry at that time, wanted to bring me down to eat. But I refused. I really feel awful about myself. Very awful.

One day, he might find me a financial burden and looked for another girl who has higher earning power. I won't be surprised. Guys, nowadays don't look to provide for their partners. They look for partners with similar earning power. The ladies have to count on themselves.

....Whatever.. *

Until this shit is over for good.

Perhaps if the cosmetic technology weren't so advanced.. we will see a lot of not-so-pretty girls on the streets. Those that may seem pretty now, wouldn't make it. Make up really does wonders...

*yawn**

I'm not pretty and without makeup, I am 10 times worse off.

***

Is there something wrong with me? I like to look at pretty girls. This is not so bad, I know. I look at them wondering how they can look so good and wish I can look as good. Not because I am interested in them.

Now, something abnormal. Should I say this? What if u all think I am a psyho?

I tend to stare at girls with ample assets ( u know where). I am definitely not interested in her. Just wish I have more of that sort of fatty tissues.

**

Like guys to wear those shirts and pants that are more tapered to the body. Seeing more and more of such guys. So vain! haha.. but looks good leh. The big size ones wouldn't be able to pull of this look though.

changes

I have bad bad wrinkles round my eyes -- consequence of super bad sleeping habits and perhaps the eye makeup and eye makeup remover. So ugly. Eeeks. :(

**

Anyway, no work today. No work review today either. It's postponed. I think I am going to tell her that I cannot take the low pay. IT doesn't make sense that my pay is so close to the partimer's who doesn't need to sell at all. Maybe I should jus keep quiet.

Last month, I said that April would be my last month with this company. Now, I am planning to leave end of this month. I think it should materialise this time round.

Been yearning to go on a holiday with JJ. We booked tickets to Bangkok today!! Don't like to visit the same place twice..but this is the best alternative since we only have about 4 days to spare and a tight budget too. I proposed Vietnam. :) But he refused. :) haha.. Quite fun what... I want to see how Vietnam's like. :(

So I would be going Bangkok in the first week of June. This should mark the end of my work at my present company -- Only 2 months and I am running away...

**

My mother placed deposit for a location near her shop. She's expecting me to do something I do not like. I will blog about it when the plan is finalised. Now, now... I am going to be real busy. I already have quite a bit of stuff to do outside work hours for my current work. Now I have to plan for this new thing - getting 'clients' and refurnishing the place.

I really hate the cash outlay to cover the startup cost. I have a number of extra aircons at home. Wonder if it's technically possible to remove them and fixed it at the new place so that I don't have to buy any new aircons. Issit? Shall find out. Maybe I can get JJ to do the painting with me. Darn... I need some furniture. It sure takes guts to do business, risking a lot of effort and capital pumped in. Got to make sure it generates good cashflow.

Nothing glamourous I would be doing. Agreed to it, because it's quite a riskfree option. Should be able to make money. How much is the question. Depends on the amount of effort I put in plus luck I supposed.

What if mommy suddenly calls tmr and decides to call off the whole thing? Till then.

***
It's 4am.. Wrinkles... :( Not exaggerating. Really have.

I actually don't have to work tomorrow. :) How unusual.

I refuse to wake up till late. :p

But there would be a work review tomorrow over lunch with one of the managers. Tsk. No good. Should I tell her that I cannot take the pathetic pay? It takes someone with great calibre to earn a lot in my position. With my powerful colleague around, I can forget about the daily 'top performer' bonus, so can the rest of the girls in the other boutiques. She get that daily extra bonus of 80bucks so very very very often. About extra 1000bucks and more per month for her. Take my hat off her.

She's real li4 hai4. Natural born seller. I believe some people are born with certain talents. Those without the talents have to pump in extra doses of effort and still not be able to reach the same. Which begs the question, where the hell does my talent lie? I swear I don't have one. No, not what I am about to write.

***

Told ya before that I enjoy meddling with Microsoft Excel. Kinda enjoyed doing all the Regression stuff back in school. Hedonic Price Regression. Multiple Regression. :o)

If my first bf knows of this, he's bound to be very surprised. I was the one who know nuts about all computer related stuff. I didn't have a computer till I am 19 years old (that is just about 3 years ago) When I was in JC, my boyfriend had to write down each step to take to check my yahoo email, steps which I blindly adhered to each time I check my mail in the school computer lab. I just shunned and rejected all technological stuff. Technophobia, I had! heehahaa.. What a joke.

I'm doing a simple CRM tool for my boutique. Previously created formats for some other functions too.

***

By the way, forgot to write about something MAJOR that happened a few days back, on Friday, I think.

The Big Boss got back from China. I have been looking forward to see him as I haven't seen him despite a month of work. First time I met him, I didn't realised it was him until my colleague told me. He looked so arrogant and fierce. Each time he comes, he would be criticising my supervisor and never said anything pleasant or smiled or acknowledged my presence. So, I being the too stubborn for my own good self, refused to smile or acknowledged his presence too.

On Saturday, while I was making some phonecalls, I overheard him shouting outside the boutique a lot of unpleasant stuff about ME!!! I thought I heard him say something about me not "calling him" each time he comes. He wanted me to LEAVE immediately. I was rather mad. I wanted to walk straight out and give him a piece of my mind.

"Mr ***. Do you know that I have always wanted to meet you because I find you very capable and would like to learn from u. But, you have been totally disappointing as I have realised how bad a boss you are. I think you need to take some lessons on Management of People. And I am leaving right now. By the way, your company gives the lowest pay around. Oh, and don't speak so loudly because your English sucks."

But, I didn't have a chance to say that because my supervisor made me go somewhere else while she talked to him. She kept on urging me to "call him". I refused to. She went, "Please give me face." Fine.. When he walked past me, I shouted, "Hallo Mr ***." He briefly turned around and acknowledged what I said. I added, "I haven't been calling you because I am scared of u." He didn't respond to my second line.

Nope. I am not afraid of him. If I am, I wouldn't announced it in front of so many people. I think he needs to learn some manners just like he thinks I have poor upbringing. Sorry. I am only nice to people who are nice to me. His wife is always smiling to me. Naturally, I would smile back.

Actually, I am still not sure if he said that he wanted me to leave the company and that the two managers spoke up for me. I thought I heard that, but.. well.. I didn't try to confirm this.

Today, he came again.. The moment, he walked in, he started rattling nonstop to my supervisor disregarding my presence. I was just standing next to my supervisor. My supervisor pulled my blazer to prompt me to call him. But I didn't. Gosh, they are in a conversation ever since he walked in, am I supposed to interrupt and said hello? He left.

Later on, he came again. I was constantly looking for a chance to "call him". Finally, when he stopped talking, I shouted, "Mr *****". I really raised my voice. He turned back to look at me. I continued, "Hallo." The rest of my colleagues tried to extinguished their giggles.

Later on again, he came yet again. He just come in and out of the shop a few times today. I was in the midst of selling to a customer who returned to look for me. He came in and so the three of us attended to this one customer and his hyperactive kid. Don't think he's angry or dislike me anymore.

Honestly, I have been putting in only about 60% of effort in this job since I started. I didn't even bother to submit my weekly and monthly reports. Though, it's just me to always put in about 60% or less effort in whatever I do. Oh, except for my relationships. It's always a near 100% trying to treat my bf well. I'm glad JJ said that he knows how much I dote on him. Shouldn't he be the one doting on me, you may wonder. It's some 'only-child-since-young-been spoilt" syndrome he's suffering from.

My first ... :)

I receive my very first Tiffany today! :) From one of the most unexpected person -- one of the managers -- the one I looked up to. I wasn't the only one who received such gifts from her lah. She's meeting me on Tuesday noon for "lunch". Which is more of a review of my "performance" for the past one month. i have been far from performing.

I know the picture's badly taken. :) Now, you people would catch a glimpse of my crooked fingers and unkempt but never been manicured nails.

Btw.. I have never cared for Tiffany's blingblings. Jewellery to me, is but a waste of money. Unless I have loads to spare, I would rather spend my money on travelling and JJ. :)

I have so many many things I want to blog about, but just don't have the chance to do it.

I just cried.. again.. over the phone. Bcos JJ likes to limit the amount of time he meets me each week. I have been trying to put up with this arrangement, but yea.. it's just not what I want in a relationship. I want my relationship to be intense and hope to be really close to my bf in our everyday lives. But he's the sort that is fine with just meeting his girl once or twice a week. Only meeting once or twice a week can kill me. Anyway, I have stopped sobbing. Cos he asked me to take a cab over to his place now. It's 12.40am now. I dunno whehter I want to be this silly. Since by the time I reached there in an exorbitant cab ride, it would be near bedtime. I would be going work about 12noon next day too..

Actually, a lot of stuff happened today. And I wished to say that I kinda enjoy the retail environment at times, remembering why I had wanted to take up this job right at the beginning. And I am actually generally happy. :)

**

Wanted to blog about loads of stuff leh.. sigh.no time no time. tsk

Summarise.

Secret to share. I was so boliao a couple of nights ago and just replied to an icq message. Those random icq messages we often get, you know what I mean. And then I got lazy to type and we talked on the phone. And then, he apparently fell in love with my voice or something kept wanting to meet up. He's going Austrialia soon for work and he wanted to bring me along. Well, yes, he could be just lying about the whole thing, but being the smart lie-detector I am, I think it's true. That night I was just mumbling cos I was already lying on bed ready to sleep througout the conversation. Next day, when I am 'sober', I started receiving messages from him. Those cheesy ones about how he missed me wanted to see me blahblah.. Refused to divulge where I am working. He wanted to go google out my blog!!! Nutz. Anyway, I told him that I don't want to keep in contact at all. He went, "Please, please, I just want to be pure friends, no evil intentions, no intentions of breaking u n ur bf up..blahblah" Being the nasty girl I am, I firmly expressed that I don't want contact at all and stopped replying him. He's quite cooperative. :) Good. So far so good. I don't switch on my icq either.

Yesyes.. It was really mad of me to even reply him and talk to him on the phone. Ya. I won't do it again. I would be more sane from now on. Btw... no eligible suitors for me for a very long time. Only attract ..hmm... guys that I would never like.

My colleague asked me if I would ever marry a man who is very ugly and short. I said that I don't like anyone shorter, or even about the same height as me. I don't like guys who are younger than me too. But, I think I will still love such a guy, if he has other special qualities -- very intelligent, capable and accomplished. He's got to possess traits that I can look up to and respect him for.

***
Everyone who said that they would make up for my birthdays have not fulfilled their promises. Bleah.. I don't want to trust anyone with this anymore. Why say they would when they won't to double my disappointment. In some ways, I am still childish, I know.

***

I think I want to save up on the 15bucks of cab fare. Shall not travel down to JJ's place. Don't want to see his mother tmr either.