Today was spent in total solitude.

Woke up after an extremely vivid nightmare of how JJ had enough of me and started seeing another girl at the same time. IT wasn't even done secretly. He just told me that if I want to be with him, I have to accept him being with the other girl as well. I dreamt that I totally lost his favour and he went out to spend the night with her and off his mobile phone. I was in total dispair not able to reach him on his phone. And I told myself that it is just my luck that this is happening again and that I need to look for other guys to distract me and help me get over this time period. I felt acute heartache and extreme grief in the nightmare.

I used to have such nightmares during the time when I broke up with my first boyfriend and got together with my second bf. During that period of time, I was totally depressed. I often had many vivid nightmares and started crying hard in my dreams. I was crying in my dreams. My second bf being the total scumbag he had always been, said very sarcastically that I should go see a psychologist and tried to refrain from having much to do with me. See, the reason why I suffered all these emotional trauma was because of him, but I shall not going into details what a scumbag he had been right from the start.

My first bf has left a very enduring impact in my life. Not because he is my first bf, but because he was a total angel. Really. I remember feeling so grateful and lucky and thank god for having such a wonderful guy then. That was true love, which never ever happened to me again. Even though JJ is not as much of a scumbag as the second, I wouldn't call it 'true love'. And it's so sad that it's so possible that I might just marry a guy who happens to be my bf at this age, despite him not being my soulmate or loving me truly and deeply.

Anyway, I totally don't feel for the second one at all. It's strange how despite being together for almost 2 years and were so close with even each other's family members, and yet we just disappear from each other's lives now and we don't even care for what we have ever shared before. The relationship was a total failure. What a waste of my time and youth and money.

**

back to today in solitude.

Nightmare. Don't feel like goign work. Today is supposed to be my OFF day, but I thought I would just go back and work to work on my sales. No mood. So decided not to go. I think my supervisor wil be unhappy with me.

Anyway, cooked myself a meal. Feed the dog.

Watched DVDs and more DVDs.

Went Westmall for haircut.

Shopped a little.

Ate at Mos Burger alone. Read Folio magazine.

Bought Cleo magazine to read on the bus ride to my other home in North.

Bought fruits.

Then, at the computer till now.

All alone from the time I wake up till I close my eyes.

dun want to blog anymore.