I just reread some posts. Now I know why I don't want to blog here anymore. I'm so negative. :)

OMG

It's been like how many years since I posted here. To think it still exists! How many blogs is blogspot hosting?

And I got here by accident. I started a new blog a couple of weeks ago. I completely forgot my password (Really!) and I was randomly typing some passwords that I might use and VIOLA! I was suddenly shown Satin's blog.

*Shudder* What sort of name is Satin. Wahahaha. Subconciously, I wanted to be viewed as a sensual person????!!!

Now, should I post here or in my new one? I don't know. I guess it doesn't matter. Cos, why am I suddenly blogging again?

It was cos of this guy that I talked to some time back. He commented that I have changed since the last time he knew me from reading this blog and maybe another, that I talked about different things. I knew what he was talking about. You know, I don't quite dare to reread my previous posts. Somehow I am ashamed of my past.

I am ashamed that I never put in the effort to do well in my studies. I am ashamed that I didn't cherish and lost a great relationship. I'm ashamed that I went through different boyfriends after that - all of whom I didn't love. I just want their company. I was like in the quest of the love I have tasted and lost. I was kind of looking for it methodically. I shall not elaborate.

****

Well, the last thing I wrote seemed to be about me getting married on 6 June 2006. I did get married. I have a 5-year-old daughter and a 2-year-old son. And because I am married, I am no longer interested in other men. It's like a  permanent situation. I just need to work on my marriage and keep working on it. It's not like those vulnerable boyfriend-girlfriend relationships.

I have found the vocation of my life - teaching. It suits me -- 90% of the time. Recently, I thought that I am going to make some life-changing decisions about my career. Save this for another day.

Now, I'm going to stop here. Back to marking and watching TV series on Funshion -- my latest favourite pastime. It used to be reading book after book for about 3 years until my husband downloaded Funshion. Wahahaa. I love "Lost Girl". Waiting for Season 3. Now watching Drop Dead Dunno What  Season 1.

I am an efficient shopper.

I know which shops carry things I like and would go mostly to those shops to browse. There are about 5 brands I would look at.

Once in the shop, I would scan through all the clothes and collect everything I fancy to try in the fitting room. Sometimes, nothing catches my eyes. The most I would try is about 4 items.

I make quick decisions about buying too.

Sounds like making impulse purchases huh.

Can't stand combing almost every shop, trying loads and hesitating whether to buy or not for the longest time.

If Tempest Blue were to read my blog again now, he would frown upon the recent contents and think that I'm back to my old self again.

DEcided I have had enough of looking dull and stressed over housework and looking after my kid.

In order of priority to be fixed as below.

1. Teeth Whitening
2. New spectacles
3. Rebond hair
4. Sign up for a Bioskin FAcial treatment package
5. Sign up for a slimming treatment package at London Weight Management

As I have a limited budget.. I'm going for 1 to 3 first.

I will do 4 hmm..I will go check it out if I can use my credit card to pay in instalments. My heart will bleed if I have to fork out over 3K for such things at one go. If they don't allow payment by instalment.. hmm.. I don't know. Not as if my husband will ever offer to pay for me. He will encourage me to go for such stuff, but not offer any single cent. All his extra cash goes to his darn car.

***

I took baby to playgroup for the first time today. It's such a memorable day, her first day of school ever..I should have taken a photo there! I didn't. Well, I will do it next lesson. A parent is required to accompany each child throughout the entire lesson.

She freaked out when the teacher wanted everyone to paint their hands red to do handprints. She clung on to me so tightly like a koala I once carried in Australia 1o years back, saying "scared" incessantly. I only managed to get her to do one handprint. I wanted to put it up on the wall at home, but she started freaking out when I did so again saying that she was scared. She also freaked out when the teacher put two stamps on her wrists. She hates to be dirty.

She can speak over a hundred words. I have been keeping a record. I jot down all the words she can speak - the clear ones. I excluded the ones when she only says one out of the 3 syllables in the word etc.. She can also recognise over 70 words. But.there's one thing I have never taught her, that is to say her name.

So, when she was asked by one parent, "What is your name?" and I replied that "She doesn't know how to say her name. I have never asked her to do that before." The parent asked, "How old is she?" "21 months" Then she gave me the 21-months-still-can't-say-own-name look. Damn.

Whatever everyone thinks. I know my child is of average calibre. But she's the greatest in my eyes. It's not her fault. Blame it on me and the father who didn't pass her good genes. Blame it on me for not taking nutritious food during pregnancy. Blame it on me for neglecting her during her first year because of my work.

I had a sumptuous classic Christmas feast complete with turkey, chicken, all sorts of ham and desserts. I wish I can eat the same again tomorrow..

Chinese New Year is another ocassion for me to indulge in all the delicious stuff.

*******

I don't feel like blogging anymore. I guess I am not keen in keeping a sort of diary which has no audience.

*********

Yvonne Lim Xiang Ping.. She's got super beautiful translucent skin I adore.

*****

I didn't know that it's not that expensive to go for slimming treatments. I just received my DBS Women's CArd or something. $900 for 32 slimming sessions at Marie France. I might go for it. I will never regain my pre-pregnancy weight without extra help. It's been 21 months since giving birth and I am still at 55 or 56kg.. Still wearing Large size for a bottom. Though my friends are all surprised at my weight and clothes size. I don't appear so. It's the way I dress I guess. I wear lotsa dresses and skirts.

I am a fan of the show Little Nonya. I get less rational when I am engrossed in drama serials.

I now loathe Apple Hong and one of the girls whose name I still do not know despite her starring in a number of shows. She's the one with the name Zhen Zhu in the show. I get so mad seeing them because they are portraying evil characters. Don't tell me that the fact that they get me mad shows that they have acted well and so succeeded. I don't buy that. WEll, I just said that I am less rational when it comes to my feelings towards actors and actresses.

I now have much much more favourable opinion of actors and actresses I never liked before!! They are Ou Xuan, Joanne Peh, Qi Yu Wu and Dai something. Sorry. STill don't know his name. He's from China acting as a Japanese in the show. I like the romance bits that are crafted in this show. Quite original. My words do not do them justice. My limited language ability does not enable me to word my thoughts all that well. :(

Anyway, I wish there were a man that love me so much too.

Somehow, I tend to censor what I write here. I am afraid that the contents will be read by the wrong parties and get myself into real hot soup.

My wish --- my husband to be someone I can communicate with. I wish he will treat me better so that it will be easier to love him.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

I am dying to move house. STaying with my mother-in-law and all since marriage. I can't stand it anymore.

Those new houses are build to order sort. I have to wait for more than two years if I apply for one of those new houses. Darn. Can I put up with everything for another two years?

I visited the showrooms at ToaPaYoh Hub today. Visiting those showrooms and Ikea always make me feel like having my own home.

I told an old friend over msn yesterday night that I feel proud of my own achievements (work related), achievements only I know of.

Browsing through the photos of myself taken in Japan just now. Think I look kinda cute in some of the photos. It's the winter coat and the hat. Make a lot of difference.

Nownownow... you may think that I must be mad to first be proud of my achievements in work and then in my looks, to be more precise, my appearance in the photos taken in Japan, not my everyday looks.

I'm just glad that I don't suffer from low self esteem. It sucks. I sometimes slip into destructive thoughts that way.

There are a couple of things I like about living in Japan.

The toilets and smoking culture. :)

Almost all the toilets I have been to are clean. The kind you feel good using. The thing is, I don't even see a cleaner on standby for cleaning. I attribute this to the Japanese's good habits.

The toilets in the hotels come with seat warmers! So you can sit on a warm toilet seat any time of the day in winter. It feels good. The toilet bowl comes with functions that can allow you to wash up after peeing or pooing. One for washing the anus area another for the private part. Pardon me for the details. You can adust the water pressure to your liking.

Then smoking. They have vending machines hawking numerous brands of cigarettes. The guide says Japanese have one of the highest rate of smokers. But I didn't have to suffer from inhaling smoke almost everywhere I went to. I was puzzled. Then was told that there are designated areas for smoking, so almost all the smokers abide by the laws and smoke only where they can. This is so in contrast with a particular country where people smoke even in their air conditioned airports.

Oh.. and they clear up themselves after eating. :)

It's one matter to have the respective LAWS in place.. but another to have the majority abide by them.

I do have quite a lot of fond memories of my trip after all.