!!!

I haven't blogged for ages.

One main reason is cos the computer isn't in my bedroom. Not that accesible.

I'm starting to get warm up to the idea that he's my boyfriend. haha.

I admire and like him in many strange ways..

Anyway.. I shall not go into details, cos it's gonna be a super bad read for all of u.

Yesterday night.. he told me something.. a little a little.. shocking..

He never want to talk much about his past, saying that it's over and nothing glamourous to mention about..

Yesterday night, we chatted over a Yakun session. He revealed that.. he was actually jailed for a month a few years' back. He joined secret societies in the past and was often detained in the police stations.

I tried to picture him hitting other people.. and people hitting him.. Fighting you know??? Hard to imagine.

It doesn't change my opinion of him still. He's all changed now.

For a guy who does so much housework , it's hard to imagine how bad he used to be.

He cooked for me TWICE! haha.. western n chinese. And he washed all the dishes. I just stood there and helped a little now and then. STark contrast to the past, when I would be the one cooking and the one washing all the dishes..and everytime I go to have dinner at someone's place I have to wash everyone's dishes there... He just sit there shake legs.

I've realised one thing though.. as much as he denies it.. I think he's the kind that is easily jealous. Must refrain from talking about ex bfs (unless it's bad stuff) and going out with other guyfriends alone. USually.. he will be very cold for sometime after I meet up a guyfriend etc.. He kept saying he doesn't mind though. I DON't BELIEVE liao..

And.. of cos..I'm still afraid.. I know fear can keep me from getting more.. but hmm.. how much do I know of him?

His mom been asking all sorts of questions to check out how much I earn. Irritating leh. That's my top secret. Boyfriend doesn't get to know either.

Lastly.......................

I'm into drinking and chilling out at pubs recently...........haha...

And.. I often wonder what my friends would think if they get to visit my centre and see all the works I have done. Everyone will be shocked. Been doing so much kiddy Art. More kiddy ART for the next few days. Holidays over.. New people coming in. Gonna get real crazy.

And.. damn.. There have been many times when I put aside my work to spend timewith him. miss my church service twice because of him too.....................................No good. Cannot be like that.

I didn't know Christmas eve is next Saturday.

EVery X'mas spent with a different boyfriend. For the past 3 years.. It's a different boyfriend each year......................................................... I really don't like it.. but well well..

I really feel like saying that I'm a little crazy over my dear ah beng of late. hahaha.. just superstitious.. Whenever I say something is good.. it becomes bad.. and vice versa.. dunno.. let this be a superstition.


I'm surprised I totally forgave him for what happened on Sunday. His temperaments.. Maybe cos there are a lot more good.

This X'mas.. I should be spending with his friends and him. Would be going church in the afternoon. I'm attending a different church now. Great one. I guess most people wouldn't want to know about why I believe in this religion. I don't even consider it a religion. To me, it's the ultimate truth. wellwell..

I'm happy.. very happy.. :O)

For the first time in my life, I met with a car accident. But, I'm fine. The car's not though.

HE!!!!!!!

Did I say that he's really temperamental?

YEsterday, he was all cold and started saying that he's having problems with 'being with me'. And he didn't want to meet me. And he was very unkind when I called him. He said in a super bochup and unkind tone, "Too free, then go jog, go run, go gym lah.."So...I waited. Must be patient. I waited for the entire day since 7am until 8pm before I finally got a chance to meet him and find out what's wrong...

I was totally quiet throughout the ride to ECP. When we got down, he held my hand as if nothing happened that day. I finally got him to talk. He rambled and babbled.. All the weirdest things. He said that he felt that he had not been commiting to the relationship. I asked what he feel he need to commit and did not. He said TIME. I was like.... i thought we have been meeting up almost everyday until I have to deliberately plan things for 'timeoff'. And some other things that were really not problems at all. I wanted to slaughter him there and then.. But I was relieved lah. I just rounded up everything with, "You seem more like the girl than I am. You think too much."

This morning, he drove me to work. HE dilly dally till I was running late. I knew he was going to speed again. So I said, "Drive carefully." He said ok. I didn't want to be too naggy about the speeding thing.

Thenthenthen..at one point of time when he was going through a curve route like a turn with those yellow signs asking you to slow down. Of cos he didn't.. And then he just collided onto the side and the car just brushed against one side of the road for sometime then swerved to the other side and the trauma continued.. I got the shock of my life ya??? Thankfully, he was calm enough to get the car back in track again. I don't know how to describe lah.

Anyway..the car's damages totalled up to 700 bucks. He said he learnt a lesson not to speed again. Duh...
You know..I actually said a prayer in my mind at the beginning on the journey. The roads were busy with lotsa motorcyclists and he looked as if he's just going to knock one of them down anytime. I was like,"God.. I pray for a safe journey to work and that nothing bad would happen."

Then.. the accident. I was like, "God, didn't I jus pray that we will be safe and that nothign will happen?"

LAter in the day, when he called from the garage, he said that the mechanics were rather amazed. They said that the dunno what part of the car was almost broken already.It's amazing he could drive to the garage still. He could have just lost control of the car anytime if that thingy is broken. I guess.. something good did come out of this whole accident after all.

I very scared.. I think I don't want to sit in his car anymore. I never felt safe before. I was always alert. When I sit in others' cars, my other guyfriends' I can relax and sleep. Not his.....


Now..what's the status of things between me and him? STrangely, i would have not forgiven a guy being temperamental often with me, in the past. STrangely, I am not angry or upset with him. We are going out again I guess.

He was crazy.. He said he wanted a baby with me yesterday. CRazy ya? Ridiculous ya? Don't laugh till you fall off your chair. I asked him if he's drunk. NO BABIES!!!!!! NONONO.. terrifying.much as I love babies,love kids. Not till I am married ..not till years later..

It's over.. no more dating with Him liao.

I just realised I haven't blogged for ages.

This morning, everything changed.

He said some bullshit like "I don't know how to appreciate your goodness". What?? I was rather normal and very nice together with him. This time, I can confidently say that I was great! It doesn't matter how nice I am..

i was really happy the past couple of weeks. Short lived happiness.

Rip the lottery ticket, Crush it, Discard it.

I tell you..I am attracting all the wrong people.

A guy I know from my previous work at Suntec is making advances. He's 32 years old!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And he's very short. With heels, I am taller than him.

He's just showing me how he can give me what I want, especially in the materials department. He travels a lot for work, to all the places I want to go! Like gErmany, vienna and the other parts of europe, korea, china, japan etc... He's hinting he can bring me along. At the age of 32, he's financially sound. But so.......... ?

I told u, I attract the wrong people. No chemisty.

It was a very peaceful and happy night until....

He was driving me home. Being the super reckless driver he is, he almost collided with a taxi. After that, he deliberately drove to beside the taxi and did the middle finger thingy.

FOR WHAT?????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

He always think that it's others' fault. He always think that taxi drivers are reckless. I really think he's the one who's wrong. I have zero problems and feel very safe sitting in all the taxis and my mom's car and some of my friends' cars.. I just don't feel safe sitting in my ex bf's and this guy's car. I attribute this to their character problem.

I just don't like it when they like to criticise other drivers so often. They make mistakes themselves too.

Then he's forever speeding.. Sigh...I don't want to sit in his car anymore.

***

Btw.. I was complaining about how I was actually very sick cos of him right? At about 7pm, he actually brought me out to dinner, cos it's very likely that Iwould just go without dinner than to cook or buy yesterday. Then after the sleep and medicine, my fever was still quite bad.. so feeling it himself, he was nicer and more concerned. Unlike earlier, when he just relax at home to watch all this dvds. Must give him credit.

Honestly..everything's been quite nice. The bf I recently broke up with told me that I needed someone who can sit down by the beach to look at the stars together with.. that I needed someone who will not find my dreams and ideas silly.. Ironically, Sometime back, I sat with this guy at EAst Coast for very long. We never talked much. Just admiring the stars, enjoying the sea breeze and the sound of the waves.. He told me that he never had the patience or ever walked with anyone along the beach or sat there before.

Since then, we went to a few other similar places. I never knew about the place at yishun until yesterday. near seletar airport or something. very very nice. so much peace and serenity. Just now, we had dinner with his friends (I wasn't told and was surprised to see his friends all there, as usual.........). Afterwards, he brought me to the Sembawang Park or something.. There's a jetty there or something. Nice breeze. Nice view. The peace and serenity again... You feel all so good....but the CAR INCIDENT had to take place after that...... sigh.......................

it's ok.. just learning more about each other now right... ? it's not ok.. i don't want to know that he's not suitable for me....

I'm sick, like really quite sick for quite a number of days.

This morning, I went to work with only one and half hour of sleep and my body was burning at over 40degrees celsius. After the medicine.. it's subsiding.

Point is. the Ah Beng wasn't that concerned loh. And actually, it was kind of like his fault that I am sick.

I realised... that I am a very expressive person. I am very expressive with regards to my feelings towards others. Often making the other party feel good, admired and loved, I became the inferior counterpart. How to say.... I should just act like I don't quite care and don't quite like him. Which isn't true.. cos the attraction is actually increasing!!! DAmmit, why do I fall for bad guys. He's just the bad guy kind loh............................... Though he's cutting down on drunk driving and the excessive use of vulgarities. He's still pretty selfish liao lah.

And honestly, the few times we went pubbing with his friends...I'm actually quite sick of the way he's so close to all the girls. and all the girls asking him out etc.. I never say anything lah. cos after all, I don't regard him as my boyfriend. I don't feel like I am his either. We are just going out, trying to know each other more.

Wah.. so unhappy................................. bleah. irritating. I was supposed to meet my old friends for gathering..but I am too sick and tired to go out. but too bored and lonely at home. What to do huh????? Slap me.