6 minutes of jogging on the treadmill and I felt kinda dizzy when I stopped. 6minutes only leh (plus some brisk walking). See if I can carry on this gym routine for the weeks to come.

I have a sudden thought of joining NIE. More stress free. I sorta view it as a relatively more stress free job. The most stressful part of the job would be struggling to reach school on time each morning. :)

I don't know what I want after all.

More socialising means more expenditure...My expenditure this month is... sigh... Go tabulate later..

Work's improving.. but I'm facing a capacity problem. Need a bigger place else can't get more biz. Giving myself 2 years to try this thing - the 'entrepreneur route'. I take it that 8 months have passed and I have only 1 year and 4 months left... 8 months have passed since graduation. I have achieved...Nothing thus far.

By the way.. the next time u see me, please tell me that my hair sucks, my complexion worsen, I got fatter etc etc... Really, you would be doing me great service.

Cos u see..I'm superstitious, but I have my reasons for being so. Everytime people give positive comments about me, the opposite will start coming true. The most recent example being my complexion. Friends have been saying that my complexion's improved... and since then, I find increasing lot of blemishes on my face of late. No logical causal relationship, but ... *shrug**

**
Shall start thinking of cheap stuff to do with frens. :) msn! free, only electrical bills to pay. bleah...

Reviewing today...

Met 2 bloggers - the blissful couple. So sorry to be late and a sian n awkward company to them today. ha

I went on to shop with JJ. Both of us are really SIAN today.. Fatigue is one of the reasons, I'm afriad that there are other reasons too... Dont' want to think further into that though.

I am so deprived I tell you! Hardly go to town area. Went Far East, bought a huge pair of button earrings that are sorta in fashion now. Hiakzz. Later bought another orangy pinkish tube top from Southhaven.. as if I need this sort of clothes now.. Wonder when I will get to wear it. Popped into Hollywood Secrets to do my eyebrows too. Ha..

Just very sian lah. Almost went to play pool even though I'm not quite interested in it. Finally, me the spoilt brat agreed to go home...

**

I miss little YW, my new botak China boy. He's so cute. Seeing him on Monday again. I want a baby son......

*****

And..I've been very worried about something. Takes up at least 3 hours of my sleep worrying every day. I know it's no use worrying...

don't worry be happy
for worrying is like a rocking chair
it keeps u busy
but leads u nowhere..

**shrug***

Issit wrong of me to want to talk about my work? I just feel that I am going through something different from the norm. I need help. I tend to talk about the children even after work. But I guess noone would want to listen to all these. It's just irrelevant to them, including Mr Disappointing.

Some people advise that I should not talk about work after work hours and affect whoever I am talking to. Issit really that bad? Issit really that annoying and boring to listen to my concerns? Fuck. Whatever...

****

I shall blog then, since someone doesn't want to listen to me...

One of the latest 'addition' to my students is a little China boy. He's the third one. (Third China boy, I mean) He's both irritating and cute. ha.. I was rather surprised when he came to sit on my lap to do his writing. He likes to rest himself against me too. So sweet can! Would be better if he's got a better memory. These little boys from China all shaved their heads bald. The Singporean children cannot understand the China boys' Chinese - find the Chinese spoken way too fast. It's rather hilarious. Thank God I can make out what these China boys are saying.

I find these China boys a lot more expressive than Singaporean children. Not just the children, even Chinese adults. They can express their thoughts in words very very well. Unlike Singaporeans, whether in English or Chinese, we often use the same lot of words to express what we want to say and all. Some Chinese are alot more eloquent than a lot of us.

I have been neglecting everything blogging...

Just back from Zouk.. Don't quite enjoy it. Btw, I thought that the crowd comprised mostly guys and significantly fewer girls.. Perhaps the girls prioritise their beauty sleep instead of male attention. kk..crappy. but, serious, there were really a lot more guys and maybe I was blur from the alcohol, but I thought a hell lot of the guys look good. Now now, how can that be true right? Then again, before I started drinking tonite, I already thought quite a number of the guys look good, but that's pretty much none of my business. I won't drool over cute guys. No nonono.. There were a few babes too. Stole a number of glances at them. Despite the dim lighting, it's still very apparent who's a beauty and who's not. Now, this is strange. Almost all the guys looked good, but there was quite a disparity when it comes to the girls.. yadayadayada....Not important.

What is more important is... I didn't feel that excited and had much fun tonight. Why? I grew out of clubbing? I was troubled about work and some other matters? Work was hectic and sapped me out any energy to party? Maybe, it's because of how I looked tonight. First, my hair! I chopped off HALF my hair length plus volume on Saturday. Half leh!!! I haven't had short hair for a very long time. Also, my hair's been dyed black which isn't that flattering for my ghastly pale blood drained face. I was actually envious of the long flowy hair of the girls around. Thought the long hair made each of them look at least 30% better. Then, it's what I wore. It didn't make me feel attractive or sexy at all. The next time, it's going to be a skimpy dress or a super low cut top with a mini skirt. Bleah. Finally, JJ didn't comment about how I look except grumble that I took too long to get ready -- one hour. Is one hour long? One hour includes gobbling down my dinner leh.

I guess compliments can really make someone's day, especially for pple like me. Then again, it also depends on who the compliments come from. My Mom and her assistant saw me before I went out and commented that I looked a lot better than usual. Actually they described me with some other words which are too embarrassing to be written here. Despite what they said, I still wasn't confident of how I looked. Well well.....Looks lookss..looks...

It's 4am.. I been thinking of blogging and blogging but didn't have the chance too. So here I am blogging.....

May all go well for those that I care about. Peace and Beauty to this World. Cheers!

i want to blog.. but that person's (that person is not JJ) back.. i cannot use comp anymore...

not happy!!!!! as usual.

i don't want to expect anything or say anything.. i will just live each day as it is........

**

btw, issit very common that guys do not like to meet their gfs too much. Is two times a week too much? 3 times too much?

Just wondering..

Why does my ex bfs meet me everyday? Without even me clinging onto them. Cos they like me a lot a lot. not like this guy.

when he's sick, i must be there.

when I am sick, he gets annoyed and runs away.. idiot.

This computer I am using now is archaic.. very annoying to use. Surfing is difficult.

Anywayz.. gastric gone! thank god. But I've got a headache. Dunno why.

These days, I am trying to learn to cope with loss, not to feel so awful everytime I lose something important to me. Shall not elaborate.

My friends are asking me out again!! :) Unforunately, I don't quite have time to meet up. My work ends late on weekdays. JJ doesn't like to meet me much. He prefers to meet his friends. I am serious. He's always been this way. IT's a torture for him to meet me often. I don't want to be bothered about the number of days I get to meet him anymore. I don't want to try so hard to make days he wants to meet me free.

Though, going out with my friends mean more spending! I don't like to spend money........ Not cos I am a scrooge or what. I just want to save some money. I try not to spend much now mostly because I don't earn much and I have been returning excess money to my mother.

**
My friend just told me on msn that his friend was exploring his laptop today and commented that a particular girl is pretty. That girl is me lah. Now now... why does he have a number of my photos in his laptop?? Maybe, he keeps photos of loads of girls. I think so. Anyway, I take it that I am quite photogenic in the past. Remember how on one interview, the two lady interviewers said that I look real sweet in the photo of my resume, but look very different in person. hmmm..hmm......hmm....

In GREAT pain....

Don't know what to blog about.

Don't get to use the internet much too.

I have been suffering from a terrible gastric attack sing 7pm.... It's 12 midnight already... USually, my gastric pills will ease the pain in 5 minutes. This time round, it didn't. Not even in 2 hours. Went to see a doctor got a jab and a whole lot of medicines. I don't get gastric attack often....

Anyway... so I can't have my spicy food, daily ice kopi drink, bubble tea and all for sometime, and after that once in a while. All my favourite leh. All the stuff that makes me high leh.. Not asking for pity lah..Though I'm in a pretty pathetic state now. I can't sit straight, can't stand, can't walk.. the pain is constant, forever there. I can't sleep cos it's too painful. Man, I have got a pretty high threshold for pain.

Will take care lah.. I have to. There are pple around that will make sure I do.. I don't skip meals u know... But I still get gastric..

The doc offered to gimme a MC! :) I'm self employed u know? Give the MC to myself tmr? Bleah...

Pain, pain..go away.. don't come back again any other day. bleah

Bath time can be really enjoyable. I love buying nice shower foam to bathe with. Like the Johnson Baby's milk or that purplish version. Nicee! Too bad the smell doesn't last longer. Also like STrawberry scrub.

Just bought Silkpro to try. Yielded to the incessant screening on SilkPro's advertisements on SCV.

Didn't rebond my hair today as I said I would. Found out that it costs nearly $300 to rebond at Kimage. But Kimage's good! I tried it quite long ago. Sigh... I'm gonna take the risk to go those $100 plus ones coming weekend.

Btw.. I think I have 'lesbianic' tendencies. Shall not say why since I know some of you. :) But I would never get a girl for a partner of cos. :) Girls are too whiney and irritating as a partner. They would want you to give in to them most of the time.

I don't like her!!!!

But I have to bump into her tonight.

She doesn't contribute positively to my life.

My other friends have long 'ditched' her..

It's so difficult to 'ditch' an old friend. It seems impossible.

I wish I can say more, but, bah.. think she's a blogger as well. Chances of her getting to my blog and recognising me is still there. Bah.

God, I don't want to meet her again. How not to?? How many times can I say No? How many times can I say that I am busy?

*****************

Yesterday night was a happy one. :) I should really go out with friends more.

I think.. I prefer a guy who loves to meet me often and spends a lot of time with me. I don't really like those super sensible ones who always prioritises work above all others.

A girlfren asked me to join her to club tonight.. I WANT TO GO!!! But.. so last minute.. And..I really need to catch up on my sleep. Else I can't deal with the children tmr and would be dozing off when I meet Tempest.

This is a little weird..but clubbing makes me feel attractive.

And I have decided to rebond my hair. Finally. This weekend, I shall. Enough of my frizzy hair. It depresses me everyday. Shall snip some inches off too.

And And And And And.. I have been looking at people's spectacles. I like yellow and green framed ones! I want I want I want!!! But... I don't think green will look all right on me. It's a cool colour, probably not suit me. I know my red still suits me better... How?????

I can't think of any special occasion coming up when I can ask for an extra pair of spectacles for pressie... Mid Autumn Festival???? Who's willing to buy me a Mid Autumn Festival present? Ha.. All right, I'm babbling away here, I know.

Last month, my total expenditure was about $500, of which $150 went to hair and facial products. Ha.. Of cos, I actually spent a lot more than this. I get free rides from my mother and some free meals and some movie treats.. Is $500 very little or average or what?

Hey pple..

I guess... I should feel loved. I have a whole lot of friends showing me concern the moment they know. I didn't go telling everyone, just a few, but the few I told have surprised me. All offered to be there for me immediately. Thank God for these great pple, including all of you here. I haven't even been much of a blessing to them in anyway before, but yet they offer to be nice to me.

I have been feeling awful and I am learning how to manage my emotions better. I know I have to socialise more. It helps to make me feel loads better. And every night, I have to talk to a friend till I am tired before I sleep. Thankfully I have friends who stay up as late as 3 -4 am..

Went KTV on Thursday night. People from Prudential are quite free. :) wahahaa.. Sang with them. Didn't want to go home early.. Want to be surrounded by noise and people. Anyway, I finally went KTV after months. :) My singing has deteriorated....

Was supposed to go the a City Harvest thing today...My friend even offered to pay for my cab fare as long as I go. But, I succumbed to my fatigue and slept into the afternoon.

I can't quite blog or read blogs cos I seldom have access to the internet...

So bloody sad again.

Now, JJ wants to dump me.

I don't love him much you know.. but I'm still horribly sad.. Cos I so hate changing boyfriends, nurturing relationships after relationships, introducing new people to my family again and again..I'm tired of it all..

Even if the relationship should end and it's for the good of me too, I still can't help but feel very very sad......

He shouldn't have gone after me/. He shouldn't have. It's not even a year.

I know I have mentioned about crying so often.. but really.. I am so exasperated. Tears well up every now and then, during work, when watching tv, when eating.. anytime anywhere. I have to try so hard to contain them.. I don't want people to see me crying. I don't want my family to know.

FUCK. can I just die.. and dun wake up tmr.. but my mother will be so sad.. Nothing good's happening.

Coming home to watch my favourite SCV serials = JOY :)

I am going mad at work.

Guess what!! Being young is a problem. When my customers see me, they always comment that I am young and you know what they are thinking, that I might be a greenhorn and their children won't be in good hands. Hallo? Don't tell me someone 30 years old can definitely teach better than I can. Must be the experience thingy again. Shrug. How to look more mature huh? I should stop wearing casual clothes to work, perhaps. Anyway, I think I am a very mature girl. Hiakz.. I do recall some of my friends having the same problem too.

Another problem -- place too small. This is quite a problem. The place is really too small. There are pros and cons lah.. I got an offer for a much bigger venue at very low rental rate at the same block, but unfortunately that place needs serious renovation and I really don't want to dump in tens of thousands at this point in time. I also lack good help. Maybe it's my fault. I tend to micromanage.

needta go. catch up on ur blogs again. take care!