I reached work at 7.30am this morning. Ended work at 8pm. Home for a while, and back to work place again later. I'm gonna sleep over...to ENSURE that I won't be LATE for work tomorrow... **weepz***

I'm willowing in self pity again. We had a little argument lah. He objected to me staying over at the centre tonight. But I had to make sure that I won't be late for work tmr or suffer the dire consequences. Why can't he freakign understand?? I can't take any chances. And so.. he said he shall not care anymore and all the bullshit. Bleah..What the hell.

***

It's not good when everyone tells us how good our relationship is, or we tell each other how good each other is. IT's really not healthy at all. Totally unhealthy..I reiterate. Bleah.. What the hell.

His friends think quite well of me. They told him stuff like below..

* Having her as a girlfriend is better than winning top prize for lottery.
** She's really very very good. You (Him) must cherish her and be very nice to her. Cannot mistreat her. << that particular guyfriend repeated this to him umpteen times. I got free promotion. Not bad.
***yadayada..

He said he knows, don't need his friends to tell him.

I'm okay with these comments lah. It was pretty alarming to receive such positive comments. Serious. Not trying to be fake or humble. I think..I'm just a normal girl.

I just try. If the boyfriend is good to me.. of cos I will try my best to be good in return.

From now on.. I don't want to hear such stuff again. I shall tell him not to feedback such comments to me again.

**

When work is hard.. and my body and mind is tired.. my only consolation has to fail me too. I have decided to be childish and not try to pacify or appease him at all this time. WHO ASK HIM TO BE SO UNREASONABLE AND not understanding. All the things he said were really unreasonable. And all communicated thru SMSes. What the hell..

What the hellwhat the hellwhat the hellwhat the hellwhat the hell.. what the hell what the hell what the hellwhat the hell what the hell what the hell what the hell what the hell...what the hellwhat the hell...............what the hellwhat the hellwhat the hellwhat the hellwhat the hellwhat the hell..

Bleah.. Things get better please............. IT's 10pm. Shower and go back to work and work and sob and sleep in that place alone in jitters and bitterness.

Tuesday morning -- Friday evening was sheer hell. Work was real demanding. It's not just a matter of dealing with kids who exhibit the most unruly behaviour. There are still many other daunting challenges. OF cos.. at the end of the day.. I can still see their strengths and the cuter facet and love them for those qualities.

IT's gonna be hellish all the way till end of May. God be with me..

Fortunately.. besides God, there's also my beng. haha..

By Friday evening, I was totally drained and getting dizzy spells when I walk. I still went out to meet him after work. We met about 10plus.. Bumped into a couple of his friends who noted that I looked very different, very exhausted. Anyway.. it's like the moment he came, I felt like I found my sanctuary and rest. We spent the weekend together.

Being with him can be quite therapeutic. Now, I'm ready for tomorrow's challenges again. I'm really trying to strike a balance between work and rest. A more ideal situation would be that I can find more joy at work, that I can start seeing certain stress more positively..

My first bf told me on msn that he feels like turning bad. Going wild. He wants to go flirt around with girls irresponsibly. ......????!!!!! Such a sweet boy who was a pious Christian loved by all his friends. Now he's telling me this. Sigh..Anyway..I'm thinking of a future possibility that I can go with my current guy to Hongkong and meet up with my first bf and his current gf there. Will ask him if he minds. DEspite going there a few times and staying there for quite long before,... it's a place that I cannot get enough of. Since Beng also never go Hongkong before, it might be a good short holiday destination.

Anyway.................... yesterday night.. I had already dozed off in the car. When I woke up, I realised he's brought me to that resevoir place near Yishun again. He insisted that I should try driving at least once in my lifetime cos I refused to learn. And then. most reluctantly and a little sleepily, I swopped seats. I practised controlling the accelerator for a while. Then the car moved liao..with me at the driver's seat. Man... I don't have a license ya? Of cos, I only did the accelerator thingy and the steering wheel, he manoveured(what's the spelling?) the rest. We travelled or a stretch and stopped. I refused a second time. haha.. I don't want to get into trouble. Still.. thinking back.. I sorta drove. I was involved in getting the car to move. hurhur..

*********

And.. I should really start replying my smses from now on. Cos I don't. I don't like to sms. I only like to receive and read. IT affected my friendships and now affecting my relationship too. So ya.. time to change.. sianzz.. haha

RESPONSIBILITIES screaming at me..

I'm totally stressed out. I knew it's coming and it's here. The kids are a terror. I blame myself for my inexperience in handling them.

New place. New people.

4 more new people tmr.

But..I just went to the bank with some cheques and a stack of notes. Carrying so much cash in my bag all day. All hard earned money. REally hard earned. I try very hard to give them their money's worth. Take their little money, work myself crazy. All of us aren't taking the workload and stress well. Cos, we all still try to maintain our social life. It's hard to have both an active social life and great work achievements. They don't quite go together. Not for my case.

My character of not liking to charge much is still quite there. So, sometimes, I leave others to do the fees negotiation. Wait. Let me continue to build up the reputation and network first. Then... I will up the price levels further.

It's just kids, u might think. It's more than that.

I wish that someone cares more. He needs to show me more concern, other than a simple sms of "stress issit? take care" Bleah. Sounds like a message from acquaintance.

I realised that on days I don't meet him, he instantly becomes a stranger to me. Really.. Don't know why. We didn't meet today. He's like a stranger to me already. I'm so tired with work I don't care about him anymore.

I'm escaping...

I actually have tons of work awaiting me. But I have been doing everything except those work. Not marking papers lah. Other stuff..

When this little business stabilises.. I will do another side biz.... God Blesss... I don't want to be stuck in a small place with children driving me mad.

PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just came back from Genting. hahahahaa..

I told myself that I would never go there again, cos there just isn't much to do there and I should just save the money to work towards a more worthy trip.

Then..I went again. He suddenly smsed me asked me if I wanted to go for a short trip this holiday weekend and off we went.

and.........
Genting has never been more enjoyable before. :)

Scary theme park rides, Bowling, KTV, Eat all the food I haven't eaten before,Shooting games, Shopping,Choosing clothes for each other,Foot massages,go casino seesee, taking super long bus rides, with each other one the last day of 2005 and the first day of 2006 etcetc Not really what was being done, but the company that makes a huge difference. I wanted to do rockclimbing but he wasn't keen.. haha..I was saying that we were together all the time except for toilet visits and bathtime.

I feel a little uneasy when things go on quite smoothly and the guy's great to me. Not used to it ya?? haha.. more used to being mistreated and unhappy in a relationship. The last two were shitty lah. Oh.. and u all must be more used to reading about my lamentations. hurhur

((I'm in a mood to be mean now. That guy I don't like. Think he's trying to take revenge because I ditched him more than a year ago. He xiao4 one. A little haunting me. He says stuff like he only wants me to be happy all my life and wants to be the one to give me that happiness.. cRAP. bullshit. He used to say that if my bf (JJ, now ex bf) treated me badly, I can always go to to him. yadayadayada.. I don't believe any guys will like me so much. CANNOT BE!!!!!!!!not in this world this era this time this life of mine. whatever..mood spoiler.. and all the I want to hold you in my embrace now kind of sms.. make me feel nauseated. I did ignore him. but well.. shrug.. from another point of view, it helps to boost my ego a teeny weeny bit, which is good cos I suffer from inferiority complex most of the time)))))

This weeek's goona be crazy!!!! workworkwork.. must work then can get what i want then can fulfill my dreams.. god bless..all of u too :)