I'm halfway through the confinement month. So, I'm rather free. That is when baby isn't in her grouchy moods. She has been for the past few days. And yesterday night, her daddy accidentally found out the cause of these grouchy moods. I hope he's right about the cause..Then, we won't be so frustrated and exhausted.

What happen is.. babies have been in the mommy's stomach for 9 months. In all nine months, it feels safe in a confined place with a lot of cushioning. Bleah, I don't know how to describe. Then when it's suddenly out of mommy's tummy, it feels insecure. It needs to be wrapped up firmly with cloth. We did that initially, then when baby started moving all her limbs with great strength and always trying to free her limbs from the wrap, we thought she dosen't like it. So we stopped wrapping her up. Then, for a few days, she wouldn't sleep for hours!!! Babies need to sleep for cognitive and physical development. My baby stays awake for 8 hours through. And she only closes her eyes for a moment when someone cuddles her. The moment you put her on her bed, she wails. Real deafening wailing. That we almost lost our patience with her. Now, I'm not sure what she really wants now. Well, as the nurse told us, there's alot of trial and error to be done with new borns, especially with inexperienced parents like us.

I'm a little out of focus with my life now. So much changes in one year.

REgistered in June 06. Wedding dinner in OCt 06. Baby borned in Mar07. This is to me all "major milestones" in my life..

I got pregnant after my ROM in late June. But it was still before the so called traditional wedding ceremony. some people, a few senior relatives especially, expressed their disapproval, thinking that I got pregnant before marriage. They show in during Chinese New Year. Well, it all depends on how one interpret the entire situation. Well, it's my maternal side of relatives. I was never close to them in my life too. So heck. They don't seem like part of my family at all. I'm glad my paternal side of family is often supportive and caring.

Now, I'm thinking.. I missed meeting up with friends. I'm actually quite sociable when it comes to the right people. I'm really a very nice friend to have. But I'm nobody's best friend. I lost my best friend. Maybe I should grow up and stop thinknig about best friends.. I once thought my best friends are those I have for primary and secondary school, to realise now that my JC friends are the ones that have always been there. I must remember to return everything in kind.

But my husband.. probably thinking that he's not a university graduate, doesn't seem to like to socialise with my JC friends. Anyway, whichever category of friends I have, they all have gone through university at the very least. I could talk to his friends though.

My hubby asked me to put up with not being able to go movies and ktvs during my pregnancy, cos the noise level would be detrimental to baby's hearing. He said he would go with me after baby's borned. Now that baby's borned, I foresee us staying at home almost all the time. Picture us sing ktv outside while leaving little baby at home. It somehow doesn't seem right.. Shrug.

Issit good or bad that I am looking forward to going back to work? But I can't pump in those extra efforts to make everything right anymore. A working mother.. hmm..

There was a newspaper article on how a girl started a student care centre at the age of 21 or so and now at the age of 28, she owns almost 20 centres. My mother-in-law said, "People are so capable. They can open so many centres. You are almost dying with just one." Of course I didn't like to hear that. But there's quite a bit of truth in what she said. I deliberated over this issue for sometime. You know, I actually wanted to wind down teh business by end of this year. Even though the business has been double that of 2006 with still some room for growth.

What's the problem then? I think it all lies with (or issit lies in.. seldom write. been reading and speaking way too much chinese.) my weak character. I have always been very dependent on people. Back in JC and the first year of university, I had my first boyfriend to depend on. With his help, I have the confidence and drive to accomplish a whole lot of things. He's equally capable with a very good character, so he's real good help. Since then, there's been no one to depend on for support anymore. What kind of assistance and support do I want? I need someone with a good character and a little brainy to do the business with me. Don't get the idea that I am real weak and dependent. Cos after all, I have been managing most things myself for the past 1 plus years. Just that to produce even better results, to achieve more break throughs, I need someone good to work together with. Nobody I have employed so far can assist me this way yet.

And then.. anotehr problem is that I am too focused on teaching. IF I spend time teaching and thinking how to teach and preparing teaching materials, then I won't have time to manage the overall business and think of how to grow it. This is another main problem. But my penchant is for teaching... But if i go teach in a school... I don't think I can take the steep paycut.. I got a baby and car to pay for now..

I got to go..haven't finished my "reflection". got to look after beebee...

hallo..

right now, i am rather pissed with a particular lady. just in case this post is being read by unintended parties.. i shall not say who this is...

anyway, my baby's borned into this world. haha..

it was on 20th March at 3.28am. Though my agony started at 7plus the previous night. It was a total traumatic experience. I couldn't push the baby out.. the doctor vacuum it out. It was totally terrifying.

I was a 70kg before child birth. i\It's been two weeks.. I;m down by 10kg.

It's the confinement month and it sure is a torture. No bathing. No cold drinks. Lotsa ginger and wine stuff that makes me break out in instant sweat.

The hardest of all is having to live with my hubby's family now. I now have to listen to almost everything someone says.