It fluctuates..

I guess I was busy burying all the unhappy and happy past at the start.. I tried to busy myself with everyone else, with every thing else..

But those past events..they resurface after sometime..

Walking along Holland V can be an uncomfortable and depressing thing to do.. I would scan coffee bean to make sure he's not there before I would walk in.. I would close my eyes and think of some other stuff each time I know my bus or mrt train is going to past by Clementi and Dover.. EAting at Ajisen can make me choke on tears.. Many others..

it's weird.. I thought I already know that I would never be truly happy with him. I know that he will never give me happiness.. And yet..and yet.. I sometimes i wish back the past.. wish to continue from where we stopped..I want to slap myself liao. Why so irrational??? Why????

And everyone who told me that I should look for them if I ever need someone.. has been leaving me in the lurch..I don't want to care about anyone anymore. All these just show me again and again that it's best to depend on myself. Glad I'm more independent now.

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brought the little ones out. played basketball today. amazing. that i can still shoot and dribble.//that my ball sense is still ok.. *shrug***