I need to learn to spend time by myself fulfillingly... Been going out quite a lot. If one friend has to leave half way, I will find another to accompany me for the rest of the day. I thought I shouldn't be alone. I thought I should keep myself real busy in the company of everyone. It's not working out.

Josh said that I should have told him earlier that I want to get out of Singapore. WE could have all gone JB at least..for today. Bleah..It's already 7pm now. Another time perhaps.

Recently.. some people have been adding to my existing hurt.. lowering my already low self-esteem. To this lot of guys, I say MOVE! Move off, idiots...

examples examples..

K may seem extra nice, calling me every night and sending me a number of smses, right from the early morning to the middle of the night. He was the one who took me to the zoo. I'm really grateful to him for everything, despite what I am about to tell you... When I talk to him, he tend to tell me about his girlfriend a lot ALOT.. He would tell me all about how he bought her a 5000 bucks diamond on top of many others. Today.. he was so disgusting.. HE told me that his girlfriend would be going over to his place because she wanted to MAKE LOVE. Gross right? Those are the exact words he used... EeeeeeE...Tell me for what. He always thinks that this sort of stuff would make me jealous.. But, honestly, I don't.. I am just disgusted.

Then there are some who like to ask me out and cancel right at the last minute. Sometimes, they don't even inform me that they won't be meeting me until I ask them again.. Idiots..There are some who have been taking advantage of my money too. It's my hard earned money. I'm not going to let such things happen again.

R.. the one I didn't choose one year ago when I chose to go out with JJ.. He's taking revenge on me, not so subtly he thinks.. He would go at lengths to tell me how much he wants me to be happy again and make me happy. Offered to bring me dinner but didn't have the least bit of intention to do so at all. I waited for two hours and asked him again if he were coming. He said not. Ha.. I had already eaten by then. Didn't trust him to do what he suggested he would. Note that I didn't ask him to do it. He wanted to do it himself. He would ask me to call him when i want to talk, but the two times I called him, he didn't want to talk to me. He would ask me out, but changed his mind without informing me until I find out for myself. Ha.. I don't need this sort of people in my life. I am in no wrong that I hurt his feelings in the past. Just because he liked me a lot then, didn't mean that I owed it to him to recipocrate. Something like now.. Just because I put in a lot of effort into my relationship, doesn't mean that JJ has to continue being with me..

I've been wondering how I can find my safe and secure haven in this world..How I'm going to live my life proper from now on. How I'm going to get my priorities right. No longer will a boyfriend be the most important in my life. I have some ideas... Will set out to do it this weekend.

I long for the day..when I would stop complaining in my blog, but tell all of you how happy my life is.. how much I love everyone around me.

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EAch time I try to be a better girlfriend.. I get hurt worse than before.. OF cos.. I will still try to be a even better one the next time.. If that one nice and decent guy would love me truly and dearly that is..