Have been tiring myself out bad.

The way to fall asleep is to wear myself out or cry my heart out. Crying saps all the energy out of me making me real drowsy.

And so I have too starved of sleep to concentrate on any particular train of thought for long too. Which is in a way a good thing. Can't think much even if I want to think.

*Very sleepy**

I have something to look forward to tonight. Meeting up a girlfren. Been keeping my fingers crossed that she won't cancel the appointment right at the last minute. This is what people have been doing to me of late.. I have a friend who told me that he would be too busy to meet up until the end of the year. He's awfully busy with church. Way too fervent. He asked me to join him. Sigh.. I might you know.. if I really get worse.

I have been fulfilling my work responsibilities as per normal. EVen been playing with the children. Soccer. Badminton. Chinese Chess. REading a lot with them. blahblah..Quite reluctant to put in anymore. But.... the 'new extension' is almost ready! WAnt me to die..The renovation has started and I would have to do a lot of cleaning up plus decorating plus shopping for more work stuff next week. I feel sad that I have to do this alone. I wish someone who loves me would help me out. Note that I do not mind the tough work at all. I just wish someone were there to go through all these changes in my life with me, even if he just sit there and not lift a finger to help, it will be fine.

I wish someone would love me truly and dearly..

wait long long

btw.. hope my frens don't ask me much about my work. I don't like talking about it to my frens -- frens that went to the same schools as me.. just not that proud of my job.

And I wish that idiot bad luck that he may never have any girl who will care for him much. That he can continue dwelling in his numerous superficial relationships and whatever lah. yea.. i have a strong vindictive streak in me. You cannot imagine life when I can't talk about my work to him cos he thinks it affects his mood, but he would go on and on about his work and life. Always criticising me. Always finding faults with me. Selfish brat. I hope his car continue to suffer from more scratches and bumps. Fuck the credit card, the car, the handsome face, the career, the mba and all the shit. I never thought much about his looks anyway. IT's those girls that keep sending him messages telling him to stay handsome. kenasai .btw.. he blamed me yesterday for causing him too much frustration that he didn't park his car properly and bumped into a pole. I bet it's only a slight bump. I am positive it's only a slight bump. I wasn't even there with him how can he blame me?

I better stop my cursing.. lest I get retribution.