I am greiving.
Everything's bleak.
Everything's grim.
Another frustrating episode earlier.
I was still happy from watching War of the Worlds.
Was still alittle disturbed by the aliens' invasion.
What if I tell you I am so unhappy I don't know what to do.
I laid down by the pool, looked up at the sky, hoping that the vast sky would make my troubles seem small and insignificant. Doesn't help.
I'm so unhappy, I don't want to continue living anymore. But I know this phase will pass one day. One day, I will be happy again.
Some guys are just not smart enough to understand what you are saying.
A bloody MBA doesn't make him any smarter, but he's so darn proud of it. Eh?
A BBA doesn't make me any more inferior than him. I just don't like to study much.
I hate my character.. I hate the way I am.
Since young, i'm the sort that would neglect my studies for guys I like. Then I would neglect my work. I would drop anything I am doing just to make my guy feel happy. I know I am not sensible and not being smart here. The happiness that comes with achievement is a lot more worth seeking. It won't fail me. But whoever my bf is, always fails me. (minus the first one)
I wish I would just apply myself diligently to work and not care about any guy. But I am just so bu4 zheng1 qi4. I'm totally exasperated with myself and irritated with my choice to be with that idiot. I should have just been alone.
I wish relationships would stop meaning anything to me. I wish I would stop thinking about that happy family I want. I wish he would realise all his stupidity.
Bah.. Mom's back. I need to look normal.
Someone isn't treasuring me. I'm not precious to him. But well.. maybe I'm really not good enough and not much of valuable treasure.
thanks for ur notes.. really..
confidence? that's tough. you pple are right... he thinks that he's very important to me and that he's some good stuff, while I am not.
now..for some practical actions..
1. do not call him.
2. do not reply him, if he bothers to initiate talking to me.
yea..the cold war's on. i said i wanted to break up. didn't mean it. but i said it. so, if he doesn't try to salvage the situation..too bad.. i must not be the one to do it.. he's got to prove that he's worth me being good to..that he's worth my time.
3. concentrate on workworkwork
4. earn a lot of money.
5. go clubbing
6. look better
7. ignore him
8.ignore him
9.ignore him
10.ignore him.
he's not a good person.
posted by Satin @ 1:45 am
4 Comments:
I can't say I agree with the games, having to prove things to one another, etc. But either way, it's good that you're taking a more active role in the relationship.
And there's no reason to hate yourself. Most people would have laid down in depression and let the other party dictate the course of their life. You're seeking to take control of your own life, which is something to be proud of. :)
Here's hoping he realizes what a gem he has in you. And remember... positive thoughts! Whatever happens, why waste your life moping around right? Go out there and have fun!
Agree with dinghy there.
You'll find that vindictiveness won't give you the satisfaction you are looking for. But what you're doing is a step in the right direction. Surround yourself with your work, with happy thoughts, with people who value you for what you are.
I certainly don't think you're 'bu zhen qi', and I'm sure a lot of people don't think so either
I say what you've got there is good strategy. Not only because some men would only treasure a girl after she's gone, but also because even if he doesn't come after you, trust me, living your life to the fullest just to show him feels GOOD. The world becomes beautiful and full of promise and then you'd realise... TO HELL WITH MEN. You don't need them.
Then, they'd come crawling. But you no longer need them. Bwahaahaa!
dinghy -- i will try to remind myself.. 'why waste my life mope around. Go have some fun.'
never occur to me that someone else might be dictating (or maybe unknowingly influenced) the course of my life.. dunno lah.. but yea.. i am trying to take more control in my life and reset my priorities.
tempest, i tried to surround myself with work today, but today was worse off. blog about what happened later.. i been deliberating on the meaning of 'happiness is in one's own control' to me..
i know vindictiveness is one of the worst solutions. it sure isn't going to make me happy. I would declare that I want to be mean n take revenge, but never have the heart to get about doing it.
pufferfish, men really would treasure their girls more when they start having a real life of their own without the men. when they start looking better, living better.. i have plans to make myself look better. but been too busy and tired to carry them out. my plans -- cut hair, re-dye, rebond, buy contact lens, wear my white tube dress..but.. a little too tired to spite him now..
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