sings another lonesome lullaby

I should cut down on using the F*** word.

****

I feel empty...

I feel lonely..

I hate eating most of my meals all by myself.

My feet hurts.

I bought new sandals. But this new pair hurts me more than my old mules.

I am very tired.

I have to try to smile and sell even when I am sad and sleep deprived.

Work is supposed to be stressful.. But I am so down that I don't feel the stress. Lack of product knowledge, but have to hit $10,000 Singapore dollars by the end of this month.

Today is my second day of work. I finally sold 4 pairs of pants. After discount, my sales is only $316.80. But, a senior felt that she put in quite a bit of effort in these customers too. So, she is claiming credit for half this amount. How come she didn't give me half her sales when I helped her with "her customers"? I need to minimise this greatly.

My colleagues are all female. Supposed to wear a blazer. But I refused to spend over a hundred dollars for one when I doubt I can earn much this month.

I bumped into my mother today during lunch time. She only know today that I am working. She asked me to quit soon.

I won't quit lah. She kept harping on how a University graduate cannot do this sort of jobs. She wants me to teach or work in a bank. First, I am not a salesgirl though my work now seems like I am . Then, I think my company provides very very good sales training. Got lotsa tactics you know? haha.. Eh, I am laughing.. I aspire to sell like the rest of my colleagues. Sales is a very useful and money making skill to develop.

I need to go research on men's fashion later.. MEN's Fashion.. Gosh.. And those French names. I can't articulate them well. Anyone wants shirts and ties? I can get 50% discount. :) But, you would still have to pay quite a bit after the discount. DKNY tie -- $119. Trussadi tie -- $139 blahblah.. The shirts are almost $300 each.

Right now, I have been only taught men's pants and a little on ties, which are the cheaper items, so cannot chalk up much sales. I need to learn the high ticket items soon..

Seriously..I can't really tell which pants go well with which shirt.. or which tie goes well with who shirt etc.. I can't match with taste!!! Needta learn man..

I just succeeded in distracting me from my emptiness for a while, blogging.

EArlier, my fren met me for dinner because I was lonely again. I feel bad that I am asking my fren to eat with me because I am lonely... He knows i am lonely, so he offered to eat with me. When he passed by my work place today, he called me to offer to eat lunch with me too. That's cos he knows I am very lonely and been very insecure.

The last time I broke up with my ex bf, I was so depressed and lonely that I asked a fren out every night after work. I wouldn't go home until it's near midnight when i have to sleep for tmr's work. I just need noise and pple there to distract me from my emptiness and loneliness. When with my frens, I can forget about my problem. I would be smiling and laughing.. But the moment they leave me for the night... loneliness creeps in again..

There's a stigma attached to fearing loneliness..

when you eat, shop, stay at home and all all by yourself too much.. you might start to feel lonely..

i am so damn pathetic. Issit affordable to see a psychiatrist? I hate the way my brains are wired.