a little trivia

I .... am... procrastinating my report writing.. I have to submit weekly and monthly reports for work. Weird hor? This company is very into assessing and challenging each and every employee EvErYdaY. But I feel like sleeping...

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Anyway, I dined at Jack's Place today. Ermm...I was very disappointed with the food there. Went to get Happy Cup bubble tea after that. :) Don't tell me that I am consuming a drink that is out of trend. I don't follow trends.

My friend came to return me a textbook she borrowed earlier. So I have to carry it home. I asked JJ to carry for me. And he sorta complained about the heavy load and all.. After a while, I decided that I would just carry the book myself. Then, he passed the book to me.. but decided that he would carry it for me again when he noticed that I have difficulty carrying my book and bag. But I refused to give him the book cos rather carry it myself than hear him complaining, see him look like he's having difficulty carrying the book and still having to send me home when he's tired. Because of this, both of us got unhappy. Dumb huh? I made a comment, " my bf is so weird" Sometimes I send him home. Sometimes I help him carry his things. OFten I carry my own stuff.

On the bus, I started looking for my handphone and realised I lost it. This got us talking again and the heavy textbook hatchet buried. I was quiet, murmuring how I am broke enough and now I lost my mobile phone. No hysterical outburst. he was worried that i am sad. He said,"looks like i have to buy you a handphone for your birthday instead" hee.. I was kind of overjoyed. finally! finally, he offered to buy me a phone. my blue nokia 8855 is in bad shape with scratches. It's 2 year old too. I definitely won't ask him to buy me one, unless he offers to.

anyway, he came up to my house for a while to get Jack's Place number and called them up. And..... My phone is with them! haha..So.. I am going to get it back tomorrow before work. No more new handphone.. :) but well.. doesn't quite matter.

LAter on, over msn, he said again," you are the most quarrelsome girlfriend I ever had"
(I am his No. 6 gf, excluding dating, failed chasing and flings) Ok. i am so li4 hai4 to be top in quarrelsomeness huh.

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ACtually.. I recall that I was not against my first bf viewing porn and doing whatever. I don't get jealous when he had close female friends, when he told me how he thought some of his female friends are pretty. And it's all because I trust him. He's always honest to me. NEver lied. And I know that he loved me and wouldn't hurt me ever. I know he would want to marry me one day.

He was my crush in JC. Stayed in that lousy JC because of him. I was in band playing saxophone, he playing flute. He was in my senior class and I picked him for the angel and mortal game where I started writing to him. There was an astronomy club camp at pulau ubin. I had to pull strings to get into the camp which I badly want to go. He was the photographer for that camp. At night, I played the song "I'm the one who wants to be with you..." by Mr Big. I fast forward the song to just before the chorus, ran to his tent, shove my discman to him to listen and ran back to my tent. :) The chorus goes "I'm the one who wants to be with you, deep inside I hope you feel it too..waiting on a line of greens and blues, just to be the next to be with you."
LAter on, he came to my tent, asked me to go out for a walk along the beach.. and we spent the night looking out for shooting stars ....

I couldn't believe how lucky I was. He was a total angel. I had an angel for a bf. Selfless, always loving..The relationship ended after 4 years... It was my fault at the start. I didn't cherish him enough. Suddenly, I wasn't his lovely, creative, brainy and innocent gf anymore. He doesn't reside in Singapore. He's not a local. Hongkong is where he lives now, a country I never want to go to again.

After that.. I believed that I ran out of luck, that God wants to punish me and teach me a lesson I never would forget. I met my 2nd bf.. who was a terror. a compulsive liar. lies about every single thing. he's selfish and one who never appreciates me too. I was just someone to fill his loneliness after his exgf dumped him for a couple of days. Aiyah, I don't want to elaborate on his lies..

He decided to halt his university studies and slacked around playing arcade and playstation all day...finally got him to go work. he worked at mos burger where he met a female colleague there. he's 25 and she 19. Apparently they fell in love and he started lying even more.. I analysed for him how I am definitely a better gf for him than her..well.. eventually i gave up. I knew I wasted a lot of time on him, but I am just one who wouldn't give up on a relationship easily.. I asked, "can you go chop him into pieces for me?","can i sue him for extreme emotional torture?"

A month later.. I finally got on with my life. Was eating prata and chatting with a close gf when I received an sms from this idiot. Started with, "hi, how r u" .. I was rather shocked that he would contact me again. Cos he was avoiding me like plague then. LAter on.. he went on saying how remorseful he was and how he loved only me and not her. Said he would break up with her and noone loves me more than he does.. errr..that's very funny..noone ever hurt me more than he did before in my life. nope.. nope.. never got back together with him. thank god! I totally forgave him when i met him again you know.. but thank god i didn't get back together with him eventually. That was about July 2004.

because of him, i am terrified of pple lying to me.... I wouldn't say that i started distrusting every single guy afterwards.. cos there were a few guys after the break up and I could trust them. Two of which were Ryan and JJ. Ryan was really good to me and I could trust him to love and dote on me a lot. But, butbut.. he's not my ideal bf in other aspects. He was just about my height. He irks me with his atrocious english, poor direction sense, very forgetful, cannot understand a lot of things I say....

JJ on the other hand was brainy. He was taking MBA at that time and I am most excited to acquaint with pple doing business. I love to do all the "intellectual talking" with him. But he doesn't make me feel secure. I didn't want to believe that he like me. Perhaps it's cos he is really goodlooking and i just cannot believe that he would like me. He could easily find another more attractive girl, but why me? I just don't like to have a goodlooking guy for a boyfriend. In my opinion, a goodlooking bf is a lot of trouble. Girls leech to him and I am supposed to be understanding about it. I don't want to be understanding. I don't want to meet with such situations.

i need to go zzzZZZzzzzZZ... gosh.. how did my little trivia develop into this old grandmother story?

To round up.. It's not that I don't trust all guys. But JJ doesn't give me security. He's lied to me before. He's hidden stuff from me before.. I can't trust him to be honest with me. I did try to encourage him to be honest with me, try to get him to understand that he needs to win back my trust..he makes me feel that he's the kind who will betray me for his own 'happiness and pleasure' and hide it from me one day.. yea.i know i could be just plain oversensitive now.. but.. i wouldn't think this way of every guy..

And.. beside esprit at suntec, there's a wedding studio --ever bliss. was taking a break yesterday when i saw those lovely wedding gowns.. and those photos.. damn.. I feel like getting married!!! though, there's no one i dare to trust my lifetime happiness to now..