Fear...One day I will be so jaded...

I'm scared...really scared...

Just read a friend's online diary...She disappeared for sometime and came back with an entry saying how her husband cheated on her, went on a 4months vacation with a girl..

That girl was her husband's friend. I really feel for her..She chose to believe that he didn't do anything with her. But ya.. 4 months together, sleeping in the same hotel room, went Japan, USA and dunno where else together --very funny. I am not buying what that jerk said. But..it's so hard to leave him. I can really understand... :(

Just how many times have I come across men cheating on their girls??? Love?? My foot! True love? My foot! I know girls do cheat on their guys too... but bah.. comparatively lesser lah.

This is super super disturbing.

I never have faith in relationships and marriages I tell you... True, there must be men who wil be absolutely faithful to their partners. But this is a rare rare breed. And I just won't be that lucky to meet such a guy.

And ya, I always think JJ is one of such guys who wouldn't be able to resist girl temptation. Aarghh..I am very sad.... And I am crying.. EVen though such an unfortunate thing has not happened yet, as far as I know. But it's bound to happen, bound to happen!!! And, I might or might not get to find out, because ignorance is bliss.. and I sometimes prefer to be ignorant and not go find out..

JJ's a horny guy drawn to big-boob girls and girls who are rich and capable. <----EVerything I am not. Sure, he loves me now.. but, how much would he sacrifice for me? If a girl throws herself at him, would he not succumb to the temptation? Would he spare a thought for me? Yes he would, but not after he's done with fucking her. I so understand human nature. It's so ugly. And bloody hell. Girls throw themselves at him every now and then.

And he blames me for not trusting him. He calls me childish. He says that his friends would definitely not doubt that he would be a very faithful bf. Very funny. Friends don't always get to know everything. Yup. i am a cynic when it comes to men. But I also think that I am being plain realistic. Well, after lying to me before, it will be very tough for him to regain my trust. Anyway, from time to time, he reveals the negative side of his character. He's the sort who would backstab his colleagues. He's the sort who would be sycophantic to pple who he can make use of. He's the sort that would lie to save himself trouble.

I am so disappointed with this wanton world... I am terrified.. I think I want to be a bachelorette for life.. but I just can't live without a partner, without someone there for me, without someone being exceptionally good to me and dote on me.. Pathetic... IT's a huge risk to love someone, not blood related to you.

Okie..I won't say I always feel this insecure. I had a bf once that I really trust and can see a lasting marriage together. But he belongs to the rare breed that I don't have luck to meet anymore. And JJ is just not someone I should trust. I am a very good judge of my bfs' characters... I am a cynic.. but I am just being realistic.

Can something good happen to me for a change???

Will true love come to me?

Can he be my last boyfren... because I hate changes... God, can you please change him?

What was sex invented for? For procreation and pleasure btw husbands and wives. But it's so being abused now... And like many of us.. I might be able to take my partner's momentary attraction to another girl. But I just can't take it if there is physical intimacy involved. Reminds me of the movie "CLoser" Well, it's just reflecting what's happening in the society now.

Oh here I am fuming about something that hasn't taken place.. fuming about the possibility that something unfortunate would take place, just a matter of time.

Can another good guy just appear? I am plagued with insecurities..and I am writing with so much vehemence and vulgarities...

Tell me.. life can still be beautiful, even though guys will cheat... Tell me that I am just being plain paranoid, even though I am just being realistic....

I should just enjoy the relationship as it is now and when something bad happens, take it that my time of enjoyment is up. Or am I jsut wasting my time on a guy that's going to hurt me bad one day when he's attracted to another? What's so good about being with him? Especially when his mom is so mean to me and he's not helping me at all. The two of them think that they are born with good looks and they rule.

:( Can something good just happen to me? Nothing's good happened to me for a long long time..

Okie..count my blessings...
1. I met a good old fren today.
2. I met my primary school frens, and I am happy.
3. my mother loves me
4. my daddy loves me
5. My sister loves me
6. My aunty loves me...
7. my granny loves me..
8. I don't have disabilities
9. My complexion is improving
10....

Not too much to ask for a job I love doing and a boyfriend who truly loves me and would never bear to hurt me right?

Wish for a miracle.....

I pray for true love to be contagious, especially between couples.
I pray for integrity in our human race
I pray for every guy and girl to be able to resist tempation of any hankypanky with third parties. Don't put yourself up to the test of temptation, for human beings are weak. Just avoid being in contact with them.