engaging myself in self destructive thoughts

Okiee.. I mustn't let this myself be too affected by this matter.

I am pissed. As usual, you might be muttering under your breath now.

JJ came down with severe skin allergy. The conjectures from the two doctors were that it's either engendered by food poisoning or the body shop moisturizer he is using. One doc said that body shop doesn't test on animals, so not suitable for people like him with a vulnerable skin condition.

So, I went over his place to accompany him everyday. Tomorrow I am bringing Risk, Monopoly and Scrabble down to play with him.

Coming to the point of why I Must Blog Before I Sleep.

This is this girl who is not even 20 years old, working as a temporary admin assistant at JJ's company. And, she kept smsing and even calling my bf. DAMMIT!!!!!

Because he is sick, she keep smsing and calling even more.

WAh Lau!!! This is not the first time. Sickening leh. I don't understand why those silly young girls must eye on much older guys who are attached. Why does this sort of stuff always happen to me???

I broke up with my ex bf for good because there was some shitty young girl (6 years his junior) who kept asking him to leave me. Kenasai. But that was a blessing in disguise. I am glad this girl came along, else I will continue wasting my life with this wimp. By the way, one month later, he contacted me again telling me that he realised he didn't like the girl at all and wanted me back. That's good enough for me. I don't want him back. The girl can have him. :O)
And this bloody girl was called Yilin, which resulted in me hating people who are called Yilin. Bitches.

Ok..I am sorry. I don't hate all Yilins. There is one Yilin that I like a lot in school.

Anyway, now, this idiotic girl who is at least 6 years younger than JJ is called Qing Yu. I see her name in his handphone, I start fuming. No, earlier on, I was more sad than angry. I was very very sad. Cos, sigh, I am suffering from very low self esteem these days. Cos of my complexion. It sucks. It really sucks. And JJ's complexion is super good. I feel ugly. I am just wondering if JJ finds my face very ugly too. Because I am so ugly now, I feel very sad when there are girls like this idiot Qing Yu. Aarghh, coming to disturb my little happiness. Yea, I almost cried earlier. But no, I don't want to break my record. Never cried in front of JJ before.

I hate Qing Yus!!!!!! Fark off! Don't come rob me of the little happiness I have.. *Sobzz**

I knew I have to deal with this. She is the first, and will not be the last. More bitches to come in the years to come.

Anyway, read once in Cleo or Female, or whatever magazine that girls like to eye on guys who are attached. Guys who are attached just seem more desirable and challenging. Their desirability endorsed by the girlfriends by their side. Tsk. I get what the article was trying to say. Why must this world be like this>????? Don't I always keep attached guys at arm's length?

***********

JJ knew that I was sad. But he doesn't quite know the main reason.

For the rest of the night, he just tried to be nicer. He deleted that bloody QingYu's number away. Got home number too!! Aaargh..

Anyway, he sang Andy Lau's songs to me..(Background: He listens to only english songs now.) He was looking into my eyes singing to me.. Gosh, suddenly he exclaimed that I am blushing. I don't know. But, I was really shy and paiseh. I can never look into my boyfriend's eyes for long.

The first time I went KTV with him was the night after he asked me to be his girlfriend but I rejected him. We quarrelled over it. Hahaha.. and realised that each other is bad tempered. AFter the quarrel, we went KTV at 1am. He was mostly listening to me and smsed me,"Your voice is only going to make me fall deeper in love with you." We didn't get together until sometime later when I made up my mind to go out only with him. Didn't like the idea of dating around and taking my time to choose one.

The Second time we went KTV was recently. After that night, I told him that I think he's more shuai4 (better looking) than Andy Lau. Maybe, maybe, that's why he started listening to his old Andy Lau's CDs recently and sang to me earlier? Sigh.or is he just guilty and trying to make it up to me? He didn't tell me about this bloody QingYu until I found out earlier.

WHY MUST LIKE THAT????

That juvenile bitch must be sleeping soundly at home now, or missing my darling JJ, while I am here fuming away... God..Help! ERps... God must be super displeased with me for all this ranting and swearing. Sigh..Okie, I know that I am not living my life the way I should.

Don't write liao.. 1.35am in the middle of the night alone, my mind tend to wander away to engage in self destructive thoughts.