wo3 yao4 de4 xing4 fu2

I am quite disappointed with my currente relationship. I was looking for more than a bf. Someone I can get married with.

Besides my first bf, I never tasted the kind of happiness and security again.

It suddenly dawned on me that the reason is that he is a Christian. Now, those who are non-Christians might disapprove of what I said. But, hey, I am lazy to explain my point.

I realised that who I really need is a Christian devout as my partner. We would have the same purpose in life, similar views on life and love. I would feel secure, because I know he won't cheat on me. The society is so full of wanton now. EVery now and then, I know of friends who cheat on their partners. Few people care anymore. A Christian partner would give me the kind of love and happiness I really yearn for. Not just added security, of course.

JJ is way too worldly for me. Damn, I am getting irritated with many things he says and does, plus many things his mother says and does. He finds a lot of fault with me. And I don't feel that secure with him. I just don't trust him with this girl and that girl. I guess I have a problem with my own character and I need a partner who has a stronger character, the love and patience for me.

I believe that perhaps, neither JJ nor I are at fault. We are just a wrong combination. We don't suit each other. He needs someone more perfect, more tolerant, patient, not temperamental, not outgoing etc kind of gf. He needs someone to dote on him, buy him gifts, give him a lot of attention and all. does he now know how broke I am? Why ask me for Christmas presents? I would give even if he had not asked, but why did he keep asking? Sigh.. darn. This is bad. Sigh, I just need someone more selfless who cares more about giving than receiving, not just in terms of this gift issue, but in various other aspects.

Some people bring out the good in you. Others bring out the worst in you. This is very very true. And I would say that my first bf really bring out the good in me then. But hey, not getting back together with him ever. It's impossible. I don't wish to be with him again, due to some reasons.

The more I dwell in this, the worse my health of my relationship will suffer..Want to cry liao.. I find it quite hard to get along with JJ, and feel that he can't give me the happiness I wanted so much. Will that kind of xing4 fu2 come to me again? Why can't I be happily attached?

From now on, I should write and focus on all the good things that happen, and not the bad ones, to remind myself that it's not all that bad.

Covert him!?It's gonna be tough.